The Way Back Home

Shikwa

2012-01-16T11:17:00.000-08:00

Acha beta

Bob Marley

Aur Hum Na Maarein!!!?

Life in a Metro - III

2011-12-20T02:53:00.000-08:00

You probably don't know about it, but we have something so common within; it seems like a proverbial enclosure of identities. Yours and mine.

......

In a city like Karachi, your individuality is completely insignificant. Irrelevant because tangled images and their descriptions do only connect with obscurity and unqualified abstractions. Life here, dwells on common grounds. Love me or hate, I would always find a place to exist. I shall always contribute. Nothing in a city ever dies; this prevailing numbness makes everything immortal.

Progressions

2011-12-11T11:59:00.000-08:00

“What is in mind is a sort of Chautauqua...that's the only name I can think of for it...like the traveling tent-show Chautauquas that used to move across America, this America, the one that we are now in, an old-time series of popular talks intended to edify and entertain, improve the mind and bring culture and enlightenment to the ears and thoughts of the hearer. The Chautauquas were pushed aside by faster-paced radio, movies and TV, and it seems to me the change was not entirely an improvement. Perhaps because of these changes the stream of national consciousness moves faster now, and is broader, but it seems to run less deep. The old channels cannot contain it and in its search for new ones there seems to be growing havoc and destruction along its banks. In this Chautauqua I would like not to cut any new channels of consciousness but simply dig deeper into old ones that have become silted in with the debris of thoughts grown stale and platitudes too often repeated. "What's new?" is an interesting and broadening eternal question, but one which, if pursued exclusively, results only in an endless parade of trivia and fashion, the silt of tomorrow. I would like, instead, to be concerned with the question "What is best?," a question which cuts deeply rather than broadly, a question whose answers tend to move the silt downstream. There are eras of human history in which the channels of thought have been too deeply cut and no change was possible, and nothing new ever happened, and "best" was a matter of dogma, but that is not the situation now. Now the stream of our common consciousness seems to be obliterating its own banks, losing its central direction and purpose, flooding the lowlands, disconnecting and isolating the highlands and to no particular purpose other than the wasteful fulfillment of its own internal momentum. Some channel deepening seems called for.”

- Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values

Image: Orwald

What Matters...

2011-11-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

Four generations reside my home; from ninety years old grandma to my year old niece, all under one roof. How does it feel? Fun, hectic even chaotic at times but an absolute privilege in its true sense. Something that really deserves to be valued and treasured. Each day, I get to see life's full circle; when both my grandma and niece look for help to get them to the other room. Its a beautiful transition to observe really; and completely awe inspiring to think that almost a century stands between them.

How have things changed in these eighty odd years? How different, in principle, will life of my niece be from that of her great grandmother.

The world around us has radically changed in last couple of decades, no question in that. But how has this change affected our inner selves is highly subjective and variable. Our values, traditions... are they evolving from the curse of barbarism or heading towards it? Is this an escape? Or a salvation. Are we sowing right seeds for the future?

Generations before us have seen unbelievably rough times. My parents, their parents. It makes me sad at times; to see how atrocious life has been to them, and they to each other. But it gives my life a direction too, never allows me lose my way. When I take my mother's wrinkled wobbling hand into mine, I see that it is not just because of her age... it has really been a tough journey. I take pride in how I have been brought up but that hasn't blinded me. Well, not completely would say. I recognize those beautiful loving faces surrounding me, and all that hard work they have put in to see us through.

When I was in school, my father never came for those parents-teacher meetings. It felt strange. I don't remember when was the last time he asked me what I really want to do in my career or life ahead. But today when I see my brother giving extra attention to my nephew's education, I feel that this man, my dad may not have done everything right but yes he did sow seeds of evolution somewhere on the way.

My nephews and nieces will have a better life than us. We, the generation of present have to ascertain this. The non-negotiable integrity, the character should evolve, even in this precarious world of modernity.

Gloom

2011-10-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

We dwell in our minds. Perceptions that keep on growing, evolving from infinitesimal notions to monstrous egos and ideologies. When I see around, I see my people tumbling in conflicts, debating endlessly, molesting each others sensitivities... crushing lives, trouncing minds and squeezing hearts in their nonsensical and absurd state of fury. It isn't a zero sum game really; you don't have to lose for me to win, you don't have to agree with me on everything to be my friend.

Facebook is an interesting space to be in. Some day back a friend updated his status 'Finally.. justice has been done. LHC has given death penalty to Mumtaz Qadri'. 10 more minutes.. and another one came.. 'AllahoAkbar.. Ya Rasul Allah tere chahne waalon ki khair..'. Hmmm. Interesting. One day you travel with a bunch of colleagues with loud music, next day you are with a person petrifying you with his halal haram stories. Now I don't really know or care why people think/believe in a certain way, but I absolutely abhor to be in a place so torn between extremities, so blunt and distastefully crammed that it offers not even a tinniest hole to breathe. Suffocating. Utterly nauseating.

Every child is a born artist, he has this magnificent way of seeing things. Blue red green yellow.. all colors are sharp then. May not be bright every time but nevertheless, all of them are distinct.. all of them are important. As a child grows up, a strange phenomenon takes over.. opinions begin to capture him, judgments are seeded in his naive mind like a surgical conspiracy. It is difficult to survive really. They throw you in a cage and ask you to fly. Believe in yourself. Can you imagine the agony of a girl who has to make her mind, force herself prepare herself to marry someone he doesn't even know. Or a woman who has no option but to have sex with a person she hates so much? Like a person who beats her every other night?

Stay blessed before it kills you.

image: seafoodmwg

One Hundred Years of Solitude

2011-09-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

“Intrigued by that enigma, he dug so deeply into her sentiments that in search of interest he found love, because by trying to make her love him he ended up falling in love with her.”

― Gabriel García Márquez

Being YourSELF

2011-09-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

Tu Dhoop Hai.. Jham se Bikhar...

Tu Hai Nadee.. O Be-khabar...

Beh Chal Kahin... Udh Chal Kahin...

Dil Khush Jahan... Teri Tou Manzil Hai Wahin...

A thoughtful abstraction

2011-09-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

The ones you remember are the ones you cherish. Everything else is forgotten. What lies in between perhaps doesn't matter, the extremities have every chance of living eternity. Life may just be unfair but is that what you will remember in the end? Of thousands of face, images and clustered emotions.. what exactly you think will bring you calm? Past, present, future.. what will you loathe more; chances that you missed or the attempts that threw you off the cliff? Head on collision with the authenticity of life.

You might say life's unfair, true sometimes, but its indisputably genuine too. Like a gray dull sky that goes violent, or like a reddening sun. They say... to feel isn't as difficult as to think, but what's the difference? They ask.. what's harder to put in; questions or answers? When a lad from a lower middle class family travels in air for the first time, what is that one thing which is more obvious? Joy? Fear, diffidence?

60 Seconds...

2011-09-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

60 seconds between us. 6 meters ahead of me. Living in a same enclosure, this is what separates us. You, me and these 60 seconds, that's all. Now we are not like those people... they have so much time you know. They can actually go back to that debris and isolate every single decision they took. They can look for the shadows of people they lost, and try to retract images. In their lives, they can bring out their old muddy sculptures back from their subconscious store rooms and wait for the day when everything shall come alive.

We can't do it, can we? They are after me but I don't care really. I'm just about these 60 seconds between us. You got to know this. Just like my past, I can relate with those people and those places. But I can't go back. Glory awaits me.

Isn't this a beautiful thought? Whatever I do today, my love, my desires and all those aspirations... all that is about to come...

I can't be there before you. You got to protect me. Take decisions and act. To make things work for me.

And you have 60 seconds!

-------------------------

Note: I believe this post, originally written on April 25 2009, is one of the finest. Of whatever I have written over the years.

Walls

2011-09-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

There are moments... when you stand still and do nothing; you see through the window, see through the lives of people inside and around you... trying to figure the dynamics that have governed..

And then you gradually learn to value... its only the spirit that is immortal.

There are moments... when rotten red bricks begin to speak to you.. But you have to listen; they tell remarkable stories... stories of fanatical lovemaking, stories of atrocious bloodshed.. depends on your own circumstances... as whatever you bring in, these rotten red bricks are going to give it back. These walls have thousands of stories buried inside... what you search is all what you'll find..

She's with you...

2011-08-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.

Hereafter

2011-08-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

"After hearing the miracle of my voice, you might think, "Who cares what you earned when you were alive? Tell us what you can see. Is there life after death? Where's your soul? What about Heaven and Hell? What is death like? Are you in pain?" You're right, people are extremely curious about the Afterlife. Maybe you've heard the story of the man who was so driven by this curiosity that he roamed among soldiers in battlefields. He sought a man who had died and returned to life amid the wounded struggling for their lives in pools of blood, a soldier who could tell him about the secrets of the Otherworld. But one of Tamerlane's warriors, taking the seeker for one of the enemy, cleared him in half with a smooth stroke of his scimitar, causing him to conclude that in the Hereafter man is split in two.

Nonsense! Quite the opposite, I'd even allege that souls divided in life merge in the Hereafter. Contrary to the claims of sinful infidels who have fallen under the sway of the Devil, there is indeed another world, thank God, and the proof is that I am speaking to you from here. I've died, but as you can plainly tell, I haven't ceased to be. Granted, I must confess, I haven't encountered the rivers flowing beside the silver and gold kiosks of Heaven, the broad-leaved trees bearing plump fruit and the beautiful virgins mentioned in the Glorious Koran-though I do very well recall how often and enthusiastically I made pictures of those wide-eyed houris described in the chapter "That Which Is Coming." Nor is there a trace of those rivers of milk, wine, fresh water and honey described with such flourish, not in the Koran, but by visionary dreamers like Ibn Arabi. But I have no intention of tempting the faith of those who live rightly through their hopes and visions of the Otherworld, so let me declare that all I've seen relates specifically to my own very personal circumstances. Any believer with even a little knowledge of life after death would know that a malcontent in my state would be hard-pressed to see the rivers of Heaven"....

Chapter 1 - I Am a Corpse

My Name is Red - Orhan Pamuk

Personal Note: May not be an easy read, But I would recommend you to read this book. Its mystical, rich and stunningly beautiful.

Savor Life!

2011-07-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

It was a cold, blustery December evening; the year was 2007 I think. Me and few of my colleagues occupied doing something so usual; squashing breasts and breaking legs at some local roadside (dhaba) restaurant, mapping grandeur of our futuristic but nonexistent start-ups. Slightly irrational, majorly unrefined and completely unconventional.. everything appeared so normal. And then, we felt one baba standing at some distance from us. He was in his advanced age. Short, ragged and severely unprotected, perhaps unfed for at least a couple of days. Soon we realized that he wasn't really a beggar, as his pushcart was parked a couple of meters away from his place. Calm and quiet, we didn't know for how long he had been here watching us without uttering a single word.

Friend: "Jii baba, kuch chahiye?"

Baba without saying anything singled 'one' with his finger

My friend read his clue and offered one naan to him

At that very moment, one middle age woman equally ragged came rushing towards us and stopped right next to baba. This usually happens that when you try to help someone poor, the others (either really deprived or mere impostors) who always have their eyes in, sprint towards you to try out their chances. I won't call it a business but this can be one way of living. And something similar had happened here..

Woman: "Beta, kuch roti dila do, ghar pe bachey bhukey hain.."

My friend looked at us and smiled.. "Lo bhaiye.. aik aur.. Jao amma maaf kero!"

What happened then came crashing on us, trouncing our intellectually inflated minds, humbling us to our deepest core..

That baba who appeared so helpless, who quite evidently seemed starving, who himself had asked us for food, tore into two that single piece of bread we had offered him and extended it to that woman. It was stunning, I can not explain the sheer power of that moment. He smiled at her, kept his half bread in his handbag and walked away..

---------

Nature has its own ways to reveal magnanimity.. Life is not just a cluster of meek, cagey familiarities.. Greatness comes in all form..

Have

Learned

So much from God

That I can no longer

Call

Myself

A Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim,

a Buddhist, a Jew.

The Truth has shared so much of Itself

With me

That I can no longer call myself

A man, a woman, an angel,

Or even a pure

Soul.

Love has

Befriended Hafiz so completely

It has turned to ash

And freed

Of every concept and image

my mind has ever known.

- Hafiz

Colored Toys

2011-07-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

When I bring to you colored toys, my child,
I understand why there is such a play of colors on clouds, on water,
and why flowers are painted in tints
When I sing to make you dance
I truly know why there is music in leaves,
and why waves send their chorus of voices to the heart of the listening earth
When I bring sweet things to your greedy hands
I know why there is honey in the cup of the flowers
and why fruits are secretly filled with sweet juice
When I kiss your face to make you smile, my darling,
I surely understand what pleasure streams from the sky in morning light,
and what delight that is which the summer breeze brings to my body
when I kiss you to make you smile.

- Tagore

Husn e Haqiqi - Beauty of Truth

2011-07-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

Ai husne haqiqi noor e azal	O' Beauty of Truth, the Eternal Light!

Tenu waajib te imkaan kahun	Do I call you necessity and possibility,

Tenu khalik zaat qadeem kahun	Do I call you the ancient divinity,

Tenu haadis khalq jahan kahun	The One, creation and the world,

Tenu mutlaq mehez wajood kahun	Do I call you free and pure Being,

Tenu almiya ayaan kahun	Or the apparent lord of all,

Arvaah nafoos aqool kahun	Do I call you the souls, the egos and the intellects,

Ashbaa iyaan nehaan kahun	The imbued manifest, and the imbued hidden,

Tenu ain haqeeqat maahiyat	The actual reality, the substance,

Tenu arz sifat te shaan kahun	The word, the attribute and dignity,

Anvaah kahun auzaah kahun	Do I call you the variety, and the circumstance,

Atvaar kahun auzaan kahun	The demeanor, and the measure,

Tenu arsh kahun aflaak kahun	Do I call you the throne and the firmament,

Tenu naaz naeem janaan kahun	And the demurring delights of Paradise,

Tenu tat jamaad nabaat kahun	Do I call you mineral and vegetable,

Haivaan kahun insaan kahun	Animal and human,

Tenu masjid mandir dair kahun	Do I call you the mosque, the temple, the monastery,

Tenu pothi te quran kahun	The scriptures, the Quran,

Tasbeeh kahun zunnaar kahun	The rosary, the girdle,

Tenu kufr kahun imaan kahun	Godlessness, and faith,

Tenu baadal barkha gaaj kahun	Do I call you the clouds, the flash, the thunder,

Tenu bijli te baraan kahun	Lightning and the downpour,

Tenu aab kahun kahun tenu khaak kahun	Water and earth,

Tenu baad kahun neeraan kahun	The gust and the inferno,

Tenu dasrat lichman raam kahun	Do I call you Lakshmi, and Ram,

Tenu sita ji janaan kahun	and the lovely Sita

Baldev jasuda nand kahun	Baldev, Shiv, Nand, and Krishna,

Tenu kishan kanhaya kaan kahun	kishan, kanhaiyaa and kaan

Tenu barhma bishan ganesh kahun	Brahma, Vishnu and Ganesh,

Mahadev kahun bhagvaan kahun	Mahadev and Bhagvaan,

Teni geet granth te bed kahun	Do I call you the Gita, the Granth, and the Ved,

Tenu gyaan kahun agyaan kahun	Knowledge and the unknowable,

Tenu ibrahim hawa shees kahun	Do I call you Abraham, Eve and Seth,

Tenu nooh kahun tufaan kahun	Noah and the deluge,

Tenu ibrahim khaleel kahun	Abraham the friend,

Tenu musa bin imran kahun	and Moses son of Amran,

Tenu har dil da dildaar kahun	darling of every heart

Tenu ahmad aalishaan kahun	And Ahmad the glorious

Tenu shaahid malk hijaaz kahun	Do I call you the witness, the Lord, or Hejaz,

Tenu baais kaun makaan kahun	The awakener, existence, or the point,

Tenu naaz kahun andaaz kahun	Do I call you admiration or prognosis,

Tenu hoor pari ghilmaan kahun	Nymph, fairy, and the young lad,

Tenu nouk kahun tenu ttouk kahun	The tip and the nip,

Tenu surkhi beerha paan kahun	And the redness of betel leaves,

Tenu tabla te tamboor kahun	The Tabla and Tanpura,

Tenu dholak surr te taan kahun	The drum, the notes and the improvisation,

Tenu husn te haar singhaar kahun	Do I call you beauty and the fragrant flower,

Tenu ashwa ghamza aan kahun	Coyness and that amorous glance,

Tenu ishq kahun tenu ilm kahun	Do I call you Love and knowledge,

Tenu vehem yaqeen gumaan kahun	Superstition, belief, and conjecture,

Tenu husn kavi idraak kahun	The beauty of power, and conception,

Tenu zauk kahun wajdaan kahun	Aptitude and ecstasy,

Tenu sakar kahun sakraan kahun	Do I call you intoxication and the drunk,

Tenu hairat te hairaan kahun	Amazement and the amazed,

Tasleem kahun talveen kahun	Submission and the connection,

Tamkeen kahun irfaan kahun	Compliance and Gnosticism,

Tenu sumbal sosan sarv kahun	Do I call you the Hyacinth, the Lilly, and the Cypress,

Tenu nargis nafarmaan kahun	And the rebellious Narcissus,

Tenu laale daagh te baagh kahun	The bereaved Tulip,

Gulzaar kahun bustaan kahun	the Rose garden, and the orchard,

Tenu khanjar teer tufang kahun	Do I call you the dagger, the lance, and the rifle,

Tenu barcha bank sanaan kahun	The hail, the bullet, the spear,

Tenu teer khidang kamaan kahun	The arrows made of white poplar, and the bow,

Soofaar kahun peekaan kahun	The arrow-notch, and the arrowhead,

Berang kahun bemisal kahun	Do I call you colorless, and unparalleled,

Besoorat har har aan kahun	Formless in every instant,

Subooh kahun qudoos kahun	Glory and holiness,

Rehman kahun subhaan kahun	Most glorious and most compassionate,

Kar taubaa tart Fareed sada	Repent now Farid forever!

Har sheh nu par nuksaan kahun	For whatever I may say is less,

Tenu paak alakh be aib kahun	Do I call you the pure and the humane,

Tenu haq be naam nishaan kahun	The Truth without trace or name.

Never Lose Yourself

2011-06-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

No matter how many times you fall,

No matter how bad, hopeless thing may get,

I will never give up.

I. will never let go.

image: Ideoda

Beyond

2011-06-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

"Solitude is essentially a matter of pride; you bury yourself in your own scent. The issue is the same for all real poets. If you've been happy for too long, you become banal. By the same token, if you've been unhappy for a long time, you lose your poetic power...Happiness and poverty can only coexist for the briefest time. Afterword either happiness coarsens the poet or the poem is so true it destroys his happiness."

Orhan Pamuk

Image: Marinshe

H.O.P.E

2011-06-25T11:32:00.000-07:00

Chaahat ke do pal bhi mil paayein,

Dunya mein yeh bhi kam hai kiyaa;

Hope is a priced possession. Hope if untamed, can drive a man insane. But you don't have to worry; when you go around the city, you'll find many restless, instructively breathless souls rallying to tame it down, trying to make it more befitting to the images within the familiar minds. Hope can create conflicts. A complete mayhem, an absolute confusion, some kind-of-a mental disorder. Hope can make you go irrelevant of the process; it often gets caught only on the outcomes. And when they don't turn out the way you want them, this very hope gets you to the edge, makes you impatient, drags you to a point where you have decide. You have to let go.. either have to kill yourself.. or your hope. It hurts me to see.. so many cultured well read, some of the best and the brightest of people opt to kill the latter, they did it and they do it almost every day. But I don't blame them for anything, in fact I connect. Its a tricky decision. And everyone has a right to stay happy.

I have a love-hate relationship with this city. But consider myself fortunate, I have met few of the most radiant, magnanimous and worthy people out here. My job is such, I get to meet new people almost every other day; and having worked with over a hundred organizations in last twelve months, I can surely say that we do not lack brilliance; the talent the capacity. What we just need is hope. To drive us a bit crazy. Hope embedded through the process, structured deep within the fabric of life. Owned. Pampered.

Not just focused on the outcomes.

Speed of Sound

2011-06-23T11:47:00.000-07:00

All those signs, I knew what they meant.

Some things you can invent

Some get made, and some get send, Ooh?

Birds go flying at the speed of sound, to show you how it all began,

Birds came flying from the underground,

If you could see it then you'd understand,

Ah, when you see it then you'll understand...

Within M.E.

2011-06-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

" I used to think that one day I'd be able to resolve the different drives I have in different directions, the tensions between the different people I am. Now I realize that is who I am. I do feel I'm getting closer to the song in my head. I wasn't looking for grace. But luckily grace was looking for me."

Here Only

2011-06-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm finally back in here. And back to my normal ways. Life takes you places but on the way back home, you realize that your core hasn't really changed. Your value system surrounds you everywhere... it guards you, protects you from becoming someone else. It gives you confidence, it has given me confidence, that no matter what happens tomorrow, I'll always stay. Life is going to be tough I know but that's okay I think, unless I lose my way back home. The serration of their words may not affect much, I should always be humble. Structured within nature, devoted towards life.

I'm getting back to more refined forms of expression; this blog is one, music, photography are others.

These are turbulent times I know but lets just make this work. Lets celebrate whatever we have. Lets give out whatever we can, lets take in whatever we should. A cultured life if not anything else.

And you know am always here for you.

2011-06-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

The ecstasy of a rebel is always brighter than the joy of a conformist. Trance, frenzy, a complete abstraction. Shining like a midnight sun, scorching like a full moon. The stage is never planned for a reformist; he would never go loud.

Goal 2011- Sach mein

2011-03-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

ANGER MANAGEMENT

*Fu@####$L%CK! Throws laptop away*

Incomplete

2011-03-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

Flood collections have taken aside, the mighty Lawn Collections are in now. Just saw Dr. Shaista Wahidi up there, looking at us so invitingly that for a second my friend felt like climbing up that billboard and yeahhhhh.. But wait. She is supposedly inviting us to buy that lawn, not to tear it off her. Its okay I mean, men are dogs anyway. And dogs can fantasize no.

* Not interested to complete this post any more. Some other day may be.*

Thank You.

2011-02-09T10:27:00.000-08:00

I'm nothing. With You.

And as long as You reside within me, I won't lose.

Confident. Consistent. Moula tera karam rahey.

Monica My Darling!

2011-02-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

You offensive woman! Red, blue, green... you had all the options in the world... but you settled for black; Trust, love, relationships... and what! You went for sex? Fortune favors the brave but the brave ones favor you. They favor you.. like you; they love you. Love not lust remember, as good guys have penned 'sex' as 'love making' in those good books they keep under their beds. And oh, its like an 'operational manual' of their tiny love making factories, where both the product and the producer needs to be cost effective and energy efficient with on-time consistent performance. No half measures, the passion for work is crucial here.

Anyway its not about them; its about you. And its about your lovely lonnnnggg legs. And yeah, its about your amazingggg curv... Ahem. See, I favor you.. the fortune will have to favor me some day.

This world's an strange place Monica. Makes one feel weird. And I believe you are someone un-fittingly hot in this rather frozen vicinity... over crowded with crumbly creatures on university benches, touchy minnows in papa's luxury chariots and psychotic feminists with bomb like butts and over-sized bust. The originality of your senses may not be greeted with consensus of the average minds, but that hardly matters. You have always been yourself.. so be that way. Coming out of your room in pyjamas to greet chubby relatives on Eid... or scaring off aunty Shakeela's 'educated' son with your untamed mannerism in Razia aapa's valima... or hey do you remember our last Mexican eat out when you winked at that bald uncle constantly staring at you since we entered that restaurant? Haha.. how embarrassed he got remember.

Oh, it has always been you and I know, if we meet after 25 years from today, I would find you the same. Its easy not some rocket science to understand yeah. And its easier on your side... because you actually don't have slightest of an idea of how to be someone else. You are not a 'property' of anyone.. Not even your parents. My sympathies with your to-be 'patti parmeshwar' but what can we do. You're like a bird you choose your own flight, not like those green 'round' tennis balls. Consistently hit by the game players; your parents and your husband, travelling zig-zag, up-down.. same monotonous movements over that flat court identified as your life. I believe the adventures of the so called 'blasphemous' flight is a lot more significant that the deafening applause of those irrelevant spectators; your family, relatives and friends... enjoying the tennis match out of your life.

I know you like black. I know you prefer sex. But there is one thing I am dying to tell you today...

Monica. You are my Darling.

Image: *m0thyyku

You're good you know!

2011-01-22T12:14:00.000-08:00

Crop those colors off the sky; and paste them carefully around your eyes. Let the pain be; let the desires sink in... and lift you to something you always wanted to be. I don't care how good I am, and I don't know how good you can be. Its important today that we understand... that whatever we share between us would always have something magical about it.

Please bring me someone who is not influenced by his family, friends, media, career. A person who can talk, feel, think, believe, smile, listen, respect, act.. all at the same time. And its possible. The depth, firmness and attitude. Someone who likes Saigal and Pink Floyd, someone who has read Bano Qudsia to Sartre, someone who wants to be someone... someone not in everyone.

The Conventional Story of Newness

2010-12-29T11:07:00.001-08:00

We know 'Human Resource' but we don't know how use it, where to use it. We should try... to celebrate true human potential. As true men were never hired, never 'trained' to achieve something extraordinarily great. Space should be given; let people do best work of their lives. True excellence unquestionably lies in the ability to entertain conflicting, often improbable combinations of thoughts, words and feelings. Conventional wisdom shall always be challenged, as it is nothing but an appalling attempt to dent evolutionary growth of truest and most authentic human potential. Paradoxes shall always be treated with respect. They should always be cultivated in an organization, a family or between two people. Its important to ask questions, and to find answers to them. But not more than rejoicing your true identity. Your ability to connect to your own self while dealing, playing, fooling around some of the most bizarre combinations of people, places and knowledge.

I try not to be arrogant or proud. But I take pride in what I do. I am nothing but a combination of every single thing that doesn't involve me. Connected but aloof. Mysterious but in an idiotic manner.

Here. Alive. Thank God.

And peace be with those departed...

Love for Life

2010-12-14T10:02:00.000-08:00

There is always an attitude, a quiet confidence when you really love something/someone. Being consistent is all about being confident; Being confident is essentially an output of love. Not necessarily about 'floating in the air' but something more earthy. A self sustaining belief, a gracious look in those eyes; Just to make you feel warm... Just to let you know that no matter, I will never give up. I will never crumble, never quit .. never say that I don't want it anymore.

Its learning for a lifetime you know. Love beyond the scope of 'attainment' has always challenged history, and often, changed it as well. The tremendous capacity of Muhammad (P.B.U.H) to love, the undying and non-negotiable intensity of Hussain (A.S)... Why do they mourn? Don't they already know that an Imam's Noor is beyond his body..

I find an amazing attitude in what Hussain (A.S) and 72 of his devoted fellowmen did. Something that so convincingly explains the quiet confidence I was talking about earlier.

This is what we miss so much in our lives. Our religion, our societal norms, our relationships, our expressions, our education and health care systems, our perspective of life, individual and collective... is so deprived of love. Do I need to ask why there's so much turbulence, confusion and ridiculous inconsistency around us these days?

Questions are good, but questions do leave marks. Marks when answered and scars... unanswered..

Someone said someday

2010-11-19T12:20:00.000-08:00

"There is something very different about him. Something... (silence) ... very genuine."

Connecting Dots - II

2010-11-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

There are nights when I walk alone. Walk on the streets I call home. Streets of blood, pain and relentless agony. Streets completely clattered, crowded and heart broken. But then I can't deny, have to agree that peace originates off these same pathways. These are ragged but not cold. Agony but all mine. Rubbish but not more than me, foolish but not greater than my heart. An eccentric quietness that surrounds this place... complete silence. An absolute numbness. And then I start assuming that I am sweeping the same streets which I should have owned. Feeling completely wasted. Feeling under-loved. Oh God. Time and time again love makes me uncomfortable. I have so much love for you, can't you even see?

I just need you tonight. To love. To live. To die.

Meri Basr..

2010-09-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

How often do you look back and count variations? How well can you justify your own metamorphosis? Of your existence... Are there any justifications available? Is there a single pattern, a single trend defining our lives?... Yeah? Sometimes I think about my childhood. Years gone by. How I was then. Little shy, reserved, very opinionated. Very much into my own world. Not so talkative, kind of quiet. Have I changed now? I am not so sure, but the growth patterns have been interesting. Patterns not pattern since they are too many. Tangled within themselves. Today I work as management consultant with top organizations.. but is it even relevant? What about that shy kid? Died? No, I don't think so. Living? Yeah, may be.. somewhere. Is he still in his own world? Kind of. He wants to but have to stay something in between.. What the hell, are you sure of even one thing? YES! I will never give up. No matter what. Why not? Because I know.. the dots DID connect backwards. I don't know about you but I do find 'reason' in the metamorphosis I have gone through over years. Like a veteran chess player sitting up there somewhere (or may be within me) making almost all right moves... and the moves which seem wrong or not-so-right for now, I believe they will show up their reason sometime in the future. I believe, everything will connect. No regrets, no fears, no insecurities. The absolute faith that while I surge forward, I won't be doing anything wrong.. the faith that whenever in life I will look back, I will always find things in their right places. Artistically connected or to-be connected. When? You know the answer will always be same... somewhere in the future.

May be I am not doing justice to this beautiful thought I have/had to share tonight. Nevertheless, I am just happy that I wrote something after a month or more.

Temme how?

2010-09-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

How do you

DISTINGUISH

yourself?

---------------------------------------------------

Magic

2010-08-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

I don't love her the way you think I do. No sir but you got it wrong. Yes I love but Aasma is more like my imaginary sibling. A girl living life slightly above the normal level. Yes I haven't told anyone about her but what can I do? She is not like us you know. She has more to herself than those cruel logical barriers and fragile emotional wedges, which make us all suffer so much. Daily. Every hour, every minute, every second. She doesn't know how to decorate and revamp herself into someone more relevant to societal norms. Worst possible fashion sense by far yet the most compelling epitome of feminism you would ever come across. Shining like a pearl, the unmatched capacity of her love, the unmistakable intensity of her dreams and the nonnegotiable strength of her character distinguishes her from everyone else around her. I am so proud of her you know. So proud.

____________________________________________________

Its difficult for me to understand the idea of "Shaana ba shaana", men and women being equal. Men can never be so beautiful you know. Its more like finding similarities between a factory product and a handmade art piece. They can never be judged on a same scale, they can never be defined in broad category even when dealing with oversimplifications of civil rights. The structure, function, significance.. it can never be equal or identical you know. It should never be.

The delicacy of a feminine soul is mesmerizing. A magical touch in her body. Its never too rough, Its never too bold, overexposed, disgraced. Never too loud but calm like an ocean. Strong like an ocean. Deep like an ocean. A whole world within. Colors, creatures, images, lives. Few wrecked ships.. emotions, few untold unheard stories.. all deep down within.. and yet so quiet.

This is how I feel.

Friends often ask when would I get married. I don't have an answer to that. But one thing is for sure, it'd very interesting.. very real.

image: Eyes by Soumiita

Pearls

2010-08-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

“When I am with you, we stay up all night.

When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.

Praise God for those two insomnias!

And the difference between them.”

Yaarey!

2010-08-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

I am never too eager to go home. Don't know, have been just like this. Friends at university used to call me 'Ghar se nikala howa', and I agree they had their justified reasons for it. For 4 years, I have spent hours in cafes, pathani dhabas and on road. Just moving yahan se wahan. Random. It has its own charm you know. When you have friends, it feel like an ultimate ecstasy. Just plain raw energy making you believe that yes, everything is achievable. Its never too dark when you have friends.. Its never too hopeless.

Whatever I learned from those seemingly insignificant chats with my best buddies over chai has stayed within me. Those amusing pranks, entertaining stories and innumerable fun filled moments have really made the difference. Sounds different but I absolutely believe that your friends in longer terms, define your character. Your true identity.

Being Genuine

2010-07-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

Its not about what you think. I'm beyond that.

Change & Youth Conferences

2010-07-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

Today, over lunch at some famous restaurant, we were discussing.. well you know, how mismanagement is confining our growth as an organization and as collective nation. Nothing new really. Usual sort of a discussion that yields some shabby and predictably boring conclusions. But all in the process somewhere, and I don't know from where one colleague said something really interesting. Something extremely fundamental in its core yet amazingly forgotten. Something which can be understood and applied in context of politics, governance, management, conflicts, technology, economics and every other significant dimension of human evolution. Something which can redefine our future.

"Yes we have problems and some serious questions to answer... but what we gotta realize is, we are actually part of that very same problem..."

People who are into organizing youth conferences, conventions, seminars and blah blah should take some notes. Its not exactly the way you try things out. Well, to change them. Don't get me wrong here. I'm certainly not against the idea of youth mobilization for a cause but I don't subscribe to this whole notion of talking about food and water shortages in parts of Sindh while relaxing my butt on a cushioned chair of some air conditioned five star hotel. Rich kids like us playing 'Lets change the world' game? In 2007, I was part of one glorified youth residential conference where each one of the 300 participants paid around 35000Rs. for 5 days. That's like 10500000 Rs in total. A lot of money made by the organizers from engaging some insignificant and brazen minnows to flip charts, role plays and incoherent babbling.

Change. What is change?

Nelson Mandela had the answer. His version was never too loud. Steve Jobs had the right idea. In out, being consistent year after year... Apple has now penetrated into world markets. Getting so inherently connected to our lives. Adding value, through change. Lance Armstrong's fight against cancer is another shining example. His journey wasn't sexy always. But didn't he just redefine the perceived level of human courage? Even religion has it. How Muhammad (S.A.W) transformed the ill bred and absolutely beast like Arab creatures into world leaders who went on conquering almost one third of the entire world is something of highest worth and significance. Science, Art, Literature. Muslim led every field, through change.

We got to realize two things. One, you got to be In the system to Change the system. You got to understand the governing dynamics. Make sure you realize that you've contributions someway in every problem you can think of. Make yourself think this way. As a part. Don't go to change straight away. Don't even talk about it. First, find your own faults, your crime, your role. It is bound to re-define your thinking pattern.

Two, change is never incoherent. Its focused. Consistent and dimensionally focused to produce some objectivity.

image: Alkaline- Deviantart

Connecting Dots - I

2010-07-11T12:18:00.000-07:00

"You know its true... Everything I do.. I do it for you."

One beautiful song by Bryan Adams. Brings back so many memories... makes me want to get personal tonight, after well around 3 years I think. At that time somewhere around the later half of 2007, I promised myself that I would not let my emotions flow through my words. I decided I would not talk about my breakdowns, about things/people I love and what I feel about them. Resting deep down inside those inexplicable corners of my existence. All that I have written since that day, have just been mere reflections. Point of view, you may say. About things/people, where how what I think about them. I completely own my thoughts, my words but there are things I yearn for. People who I love, people who I need, people I want to be with. And badly. All these years, it has just been about them, not me. Someone needing love, unconditionally.

Today, it is just going to be about me.

There was a time, when I had gone very unstable. Emotionally I mean. What do you expect man.. I was 19, madly in love with her. And what happened... 3 30AM one night she texted me, "Noor.. I think I'm falling for someone else.. you need to get over with us". Hmmmm.. You know I agree things weren't all smooth between us but.. I didn't expect things to be.. well this interesting. Ha! Things were interesting. I met her next day at KFC nearby. She looked like someone in love but crap, it wasn't for me. I knew it, had to accept it. And yeah, had to attend my first cousin's wedding reception that evening as well. I came home, cried in shower, dressed up, went to the reception, met relatives, smiled, talked... being normal about it... being personal about it.

It was that day. The last time I cried for her. Or anyone else. I realized its such a difficult thing to do, crying that is. You know that day really made me who I am today... some would say strong, some would say aloof and some cold may be. I don't know but yes... today I'm more prepared to deal with such interesting situations. I'm no longer 19, no longer a first timer. I'm glad I didn't let myself completely crumble. I feel blessed that I had friends to help me get out of it. Many a times I picked up a knife to cut myself but I never did. Many a times, we had fights and arguments just on the night before my exam but I never failed even one. I'm blessed you know, I got out of it without much damage. Well.. yeah may be.

But you know, this suffering, broken relationships, fights, arguments... nothing has stayed long enough to weaken the intensity of my desire to love. I want to love. I want to be loved.

You need to know... there is someone real behind that shining armor... and he needs a hug!

Intellect

2010-06-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

Your mettle is tested every now and then. Just when you start thinking that you might have all the answers, life so artistically changes the questions. Questions irrelevant to answers; questions incompetent of any definite conclusions. Life's a mess, a problematic affair if you take it that way. Boring, customary and strictly sensible. But on the other way, it is a myth. Just like a hidden treasure. It gets interesting and significantly magical the moment one understands the prank behind it.

In our lives, being sensible and logical can be boring because we so consistently relate it to the net outcome. The conclusive part; the final result. I believe logic should be understood like something inherent, something beautifully cultivated across the procedure, the course of action. Being logical or intellectual should not be considered as being mechanical. Anyway, anywhere. Being logical should be as good looking as being humane. It should be as warm as a motherly hug and as emotional as the first love. Like some close friends enjoying a game of chess. Like a child sitting along with his papa trying to fit jigsaw pieces together. Like two lovers discussing Rumi. Long walks. Beach.

Its disappointing to feel it. Feel that we are fast losing that breathing intellect that we all have. We are not exercising it. Stretching it. Friends meet at Sheesha and discuss their babes, lovers meet and they think they talk about love. 16 17 18 years of age, talking hours on the phone? 'Dou ruppey mein aik ganta baat'? You attend a lecture and the professor, who happens to be an eminent scientist fails to understand the simple philosophy that binds all the scientific theories and evolutions together. He fails to understand and then, fails to deliver. Quite obviously. And the chain goes on... Being mechanically focused on the net outcome. An unsatisfying journey to the center of nowhere land.

I believe we need to learn, and quickly. We don't have to be anyone else to be logical. Just being human again would be critical for the years to come.

Constant Change - Revisited

2010-05-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

Since ever, reading has been one of my most beloved hobbies. Something that comes naturally to me. Though the inconsistency of my taste and my wavering nature is well exhibited from the way I select a book to read, one particular genre was successful [till sometime back] in arresting a meaty portion of my time. "Self Help and Inspirationals". Yes! I have quite a few of them at my home. Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale, Og Mandino, Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, Anthony Robbins, Robin Sharma, Napoleon Hill, Stephen Covey etc etc.. And the list never ends. My brother has this odd habit of collecting self help books and I, the very reader, continued to read them. And read again. Some tried to teach me how to find love, some tried to signify shortcuts to fame and fortune and some tried to make me a better human. I don't know how much they all succeeded but one thing is for sure, reading all these self help books over the years, I have finally decided one thing. That I 'm NOT going to read them anymore. Atleast for sometime. I think I don't need so much of help.

But I guess this happens with every one of us. Sometimes we just start feeling over filled. We might not know but we yearn to feel a bit empty. Sometimes we suddenly get to know that we know so much. Sometimes, our haggard minds desire for something new. Little bit immaturity. Little bit of childishness. Sometimes getting 100/100 isn't satisfying, as it doesn't offer any challenges or targets to achieve then.

I've observed something salient about us beings. That we, unlike every other creation in the universe, get tired of things. We actually dwell nowhere and are in constant state of search. Search for the subsequent. That search might not necessarily be for prosperity or betterment. It might be destructive and disparaging. We are self ignorant to the fact that changes can swing both ways. From better to worse. From worse to better. But who cares. What a 'typical' human soul wants is a Change. [And the word typical excludes saints and Sufis].

I think this is why anything in abundance just doesn't work for us. Infact, it starts to work against us. Start walking on The Right Path. Be true and speak the truth. One day, Even if you don't ask for a change, you might get weary about The truth, The Angels and The Heavens... Lie, lie, lie... and one day, there is a bright chance that you might start seeking "The Righteous Path". I wouldn't call it a God's blessing on that lier but to me, it is the same need. The Search for the subsequent. The quest that keeps us mortals tangling around two extremes. We leave "Black" in search for something brighter... but even "White" doesn't satisfy us. May be this is why; most of us spend huge portions of our lives traveling and roving in those "Gray" areas.

I believe science can re-create everything. It can make everything seem understandable and logical. But this strange expedition of us mortals is and should always stay as a delicate knot. Who knows, undoing it might change everything...

Noor.
Wednesday, March 19,2008
1:34 AM

You're allowed - Revisited

2010-05-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

He was all dressed up and I, in casuals. He was smoking and I, I was just watching those puffs rolling and thawing between us.

"You know this place is so quiet"

"Quiet? What?... man this place is damn earsplitting! Yeh chutiyeh apni bak bak band hi nahin kartey"

"Freedom of Expression bari behanchod cheez hai bhai"

"Hahaha! Haan par Expression of Freedom ka kiya?"

"Expression of Freedom?? Hain?"

"Abay saala light chaley gayi"

__________________________________________

If I ask a question, its not necessary that you come up with a relevant answer. Expression of Freedom should allow you to say anything. If my girlfriend decides to sleep with someone outside my knowledge, freedom allows her to do so. Can I stop her? Can I blame? If a group of vandals decide to beat the hell out of me, what can I do? I can't stop them! Expression of Freedom should allow them to beat me. If a sparrow shits on me, all I can do is swab it off. If a dog bites me, I can just take off my shirt to get those 14 something injections. If a baby decides to pee on me, I can't clutch his smallish dick and stop him from doing so. Its his freedom and you know its 'innocently wet and warm'. If people laugh at me, they should be allowed to laugh, if they cry, no one should try to console them. If someone wants to, he can dance at my funeral and should be fully allowed to do so.

Freedom is such a dangerous expression. Its inherent but rare. One has to surpass junctions like Act, React, Accept and Neglect to reach it. And one has complete freedom to decide where does he fall.

Friday, September 26th,2008

1:25 AM

Life in a Metro [2]: Cynically yours

2010-04-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

I think I was somewhere around 13 14 at that time. I was walking across a road, getting back home. Was alone and just like any other kid of that age, strictly directed by family not to talk to strangers or even go near them.

Just as I was passing across a sheermaal house, I heard a voice from behind:

"Dost baat suno.."

I turned around to find a young, tall pathan guy wearing white shalwar kameez standing there looking at me.

"Dost roti ke liye kuch madad kardo... ghar par chotey behan bhai bhookey hain.."

I said nothing. Gave nothing. But just before walking away hastily, I did manage to see in his eyes. For some fractional part of a second. And those eyes have followed me since then.

Needed no proofs. I know he wasn't lying. His eyes had that truth. That hunger. That helplessness. I was a kid then who got terrified by such sudden encounter, but sometimes I still regret... I could have helped him in some way. Yes he was a young man, seeming fit to do any kind of physical work but. I don't know. I just could have helped him. Even if he was lying...

________________________

Sometimes I compute... I literally spend thousands every month eating out with friends.

And then I talk about food shortage in Africa. Infra human conditions in other parts of the world. Makes me feel like a hypocrite.

Just a few days back, a friend proclaimed on her Facebook status that Pakistan's on verge of a revolution. And that would be brought by the 'youth' of this country. Hmmmm.. I think I don't agree. In fact I think this is one of the most ridiculous, shit of a claim I have heard in a long time. Its sickening. Disgusting thing to read. Me, you and everyone else around us who claims to be that 'youth' of this nation should feel embarrass on the insignificant shit we have acquired after years of strenuous hard work. We have meticulously cultivated germs of mediocrity.

While watching local channels, when a young desi Blondie wearing a tight fitted T-shirt wave a Salaam at you, you don't know what exactly to do. Left confused. Whether to reply her salaam in proper Islamic sense or just continue staring her breasts poking out of her branded T-shirt. I have no objections with her wear, but that salaam is utterly disturbing.

Too cynical? Few of my 'she' friends would read this. They won't like it I suppose. But what to do? Big cities like Karachi do have some idiots like me as well.

You don't worry. Just take care!

Link to Life in a Metro [1]

Image: Lostsoulx44

When I play, I don't care!

2010-04-23T15:04:00.000-07:00

image: Babyface

Me Again!

2010-04-23T11:04:00.000-07:00

This is nothing but hazy confusion. In times of utter mess, when the entropic calculations are at their highest, and when the triumphs are so delicately yet ruthlessly tangled with defeats, one is justified to ask a lot questions.

Just few minutes back, I was sitting with my nephew Armaan, watching cartoons in his room..

Armaan (With his finger pointing): Chachu, please go and switch off those washroom lights.

Me (With my eyes fixed on TV): Yeah...

Armaan: Do it now na! Or mother earth will die!!

.....

This came as one shocker. Took few minutes to comprehend that just yesterday was World Earth Day and he must have learned all this at his school. Made me smile. Isn't this one of those miracles which we wait to happen all our lives? Or like a moment, when we start connecting backwards. Aren't we taking ourselves just too seriously? Like grown up adults who also happen to be deteriorated human beings? Like God whispering in Armaan's ear, "Son, this little thing (Me) is acting weird since few days now.. make him learn something new today.." And I know, Armaan is closer to God than me.

I don't care if I sound insane and absolutely incomprehensible tonight. Doing all this after a long long time. Just too tired of playing sensible and logical, which am not. And you know it. Just few more minutes and I'll be that dominating Noor again.

And btw, I LOVED My Name is Khan. I think its an outstanding movie. One of the best I have ever seen.

Take Care.

Connect Within

2010-04-07T14:13:00.000-07:00

Jaam e Fanaa Bekhudi.. Ab tou peeya,

Jo ho so ho...

Image: *burcindrummer

Its you!

2010-04-07T13:54:00.000-07:00

Oh take me back to the stars...

Image: Khomenko - Deviantart

Magnitude

2010-03-08T14:11:00.000-08:00

Just when you thought you are big enough...

Image: Talking drum

Love it!

2010-03-05T03:47:00.000-08:00

... Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life...

Pink Floyd - Coming Back to Life

Decisions and the 'OR' thing

2010-03-05T02:34:00.000-08:00

Every opportunity has its own price tag; a cost that you got to bear. The tyranny of 'OR' as they say, exists everywhere. A continuous and relentless decision making, that eventually leads to nothing but a thing gained, and a world lost. But I think, this whole notion of opportunity and its cost, is severely flawed. And if ratified like any other management concepts, it can have some defining implications on our lives.

Living life of a fresh graduate is interesting. Stunned identities, hitch-hiking across multiple corridors of life. Many choices to be made. Many decisions to be taken. A chaos that surrounds me for now numbs up my mind sometimes. Like an explosion followed by some deafening silence. But living in this state for past few weeks has undoubtedly enriched my life [in totality]. Clarifying a lot things. Yes, I'm in chaos but am not confused. Yes, I got to make my choices and take my decisions, but I am not really bearing any costs. May be am just putting everything I have to wrap hands around my life and let nothing go.

Used to think that work-life is tough, busy. Amazingly spending more time with friends these days. And quality of time spent is linear to the quantity of moments cherished. Used to think pragmatism might overwhelm ideals. Thankfully, my first venture kicks off this month. And yet am an employee of some giant org. Satisfies both. My needs and wants. An idea which I think have struck me at the very right time.

I'm not yet ready to pay any costs. Would just go on availing whatever I have, and maximizing whatever I get. I would never glorify imperfections. Let see what life brings on.

Its gonna be interesting!

Ishqq Aatishh

2010-02-11T14:05:00.000-08:00

2010-02-11T14:02:00.000-08:00

LOVE

I want to.

I want to be.

This Very Spirit!

2010-01-18T12:47:00.000-08:00

"Makers are Men, Creators are Leaders... be careful what kinda leaders you're producing here..."

Can you identify with this line? Its from the classic 'The Scent of a Woman'. Al Pacino. In fact all that he speaks for in that ultimate portion, for around two and a half minutes can well be set as a benchmark to define partially misunderstood and partially neglected concept of leadership. A notion that is so decisive, a notion that is so humane.

Integrity, courage, compassion. Shouldn't this define a true leader? A character that stands dignified under pressure? Or someone crumbling with the burden of self? Someone taking trivial and insignificant pieces of his ragged life too seriously? Someone has to think beyond loss gain and everything between the two. Someone has to go beyond black white and gray. And millions and billions and zeroes. Someone.

When things get tougher, when the light's on you... just don't run away. Let this very spirit, take decisions.

Rumi, Jinnah and Nobody

2009-12-29T12:02:00.000-08:00

A lot of things coming to my mind tonight, as I begin to write my second post in nearly five months. Yeah been quiet I know, but tonight its like home coming. Bits and pieces all gelling together entailing no effort from my side. It happens you know, when things appearing from different dimensions begin to harmonize each other. Defining each other. Completing each other at crucial junctures. It's worth exploring; the synchronization that resides within us is the synchronization that surrounds us as well. This sense of balance is undoubtedly what makes our world so beautiful. Each fragment, in right proportion. A masterpiece.
______________________________

While reading Maulana Rumi today, I came to understand something about Mr. Jinnah. Something inherently important about this enigmatic man. Something that had puzzled me since I started to read about him. About his personal life beyond being the Quaid. And his relationship with Ruttie his wife, and Dina.

Tonight as my city burns, I'm here with these two gentlemen, complementing each other so beautifully.

I m not disentangling/entangling any further. At least tonight.

And yeah, Welcome back Noor!! (:

Inspiring

2009-11-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

STAY HUNGRY

STAY FOOLISH

Kiya?

2009-11-02T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hone, hone dey nashaa..

Khone, Khoney ko hai kiyaa...

Dukey!

2009-10-31T10:25:00.000-07:00

A lil over 2 months of complete absence, and am finally back here. An aloof, unintended departure, leaving probably no one waiting. Just around 114 published posts over 3 years isn't very heartening I know but what to do. I can't afford words every night. It isn't that I don't love it anymore. Nope, I still believe its one way to revitalize my existence, a proper formal linear pattern where I can entertain all those sexy myths and philosophies.

But there is one thing. Something. You know.. am growing. Just like you.

Khair, a major transition expected in next 2 months. Gearing up for it.

...............................................

Physically, Spiritually, Emotionally, Mentally, Metaphysically, Metaphorically... Any...

Are you with me?

...............................................

Do you think I care?

Image: Healzo - Devianart

Pump IT!

2009-08-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

183cm, 158lbs... that's my physical worth. Yeah yeah, you can go on tallying those uncongenial elements and glorify imprecision. Yes you can really do that. Somehow with time, I have developed [perhaps intentionally] this very proclivity for criticism. It's an interesting phenomenon and it keeps people busy. Just a close look to understand that unpredictable actions would generate unpredictable reactions, often volatile. Sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't. But almost every time they have something to say. Its a hobby and I find it exciting to hear what people say. I love to draw a line on the canvas and let others sketch around it. Now this is one BIG idea... one would not get shattered or demoralized by UN-called criticism if he gets this. It's about the line, not about the being who drew it.

I find it quite amusing. Time and time again, I deliberately do things that would provoke them and aggravate their cravings for criticism. Time and time again, I draw something basic over a blank page and move ahead... leaving those saintly pseudos and minnows busy.

Anyone can do it. You just got to be strong, and bouncing and funny. By choice. Its shining everywhere!

Image: nocturnalMOTH - Deviantart

Dhan Ta Nan

2009-08-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

Revolutionists, capitalists, socialists, 14th August nationalists... fans of Zaid Hamid, Zakir Naik and Beyonce... Hajis and moulvis and percussionists... Strippers of Madonna and guardians of Sakeena.. Jeans with light kurta and heels in tight burqa... Lesser humans, greater angels... Whiter blacks and blacker whites...

I think I've said too much... but haven't said it all.

_____________________________________

Urdu is my national language, English is the official. Provincially, I'm Sindhi and religiously I'm an Arab. My mother comes from a Bengali-Urdu background and my father speaks Gujarati. I'm learning French and sometimes like to watch Hindi movies...

Sounds Wow?

Tell me, isn't it a shame that I don't have command even over ONE of these languages?

______________________________________

We are good people, I don't question this. And I agree that culture is a blend of so many dimensions... but aisa bhi kiya!

.....

I believe, what we take... doesn't shape our destiny,

What we leave...

Does.

Nature and the Answers!

2009-07-31T14:18:00.000-07:00

Islamabad- Murree - 2008

Yes?

2009-07-30T12:24:00.000-07:00

You're different. She isn't like you. You're a bloody selfish voyeur and she, she collects pebbles. At the beach. Her salvation lies somewhere around that mark by end of the road. And she knows. What about you? Does your singularity give space to that thought? A notion of your deliverance, your mukti?

RED

2009-07-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

"My dear master, explain red to somebody who has never known RED."

"If we touched it with the tip of a finger, it would feel like something between iron and copper. If we took it into our palm, it would burn. if we tasted it, it would be full-bodied, like salted meat. If we took it between our lips, it would fill our mouths. If we smelled it, it'd have the scent of a horse. If it were a flower, it would smell like a daisy, not a red rose."

My Name is Red - Orhan Pamuk

Perfect Anomalies

2009-07-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

Love is like fire. It goes through, lightening burdens... burning identities. Crossroads in our lives divulge so many options to us. Disclosing eternity seems an ultimate fantasy for every vanquisher. But has one ever thought, winners can have an other dimension to them as well? Vanquishers defeat but winners can win without ruining lives. Winners are absorbed in their own way of doing things. They have that delirium that 'masti' that doesn't let them go and lose themselves in that mob of mediocrity and ruthless defeaters. Winners defeaters, defeaters the conquerors.

I soundly believe that 'perfection' only exists when you're in love. I believe love is one expression, which can make one, even for a blink of second feel like attaining perfection. Yes! Logic won't understand it since it randomizes expressions and seeks anomalies. Logicians don't realize what that mere second can instill... and they don't know what follows it. Perfection resides in delirium. Lives with extreme passion.

Perfection is achieved when anomalies are ignored.

Life in a Metro - I

2009-07-03T11:38:00.000-07:00

Almost 17 million people live in this city. Every single person occupied in emotions and thoughts beyond himself. Every single soul engulfed and entrapped in thousands of narratives; those twisting tales of sorrow and ecstasy, of truth and fantasy, of realm and plain mediocrity. 'Rest in Peace' written as a PS while rest of the page, the core script is meticulously coated with watermark saying 'Live in Pieces'. How would you react when the questions asked are not about yourself? Which one would you answer if you hear voices from every possible dimension, crying for help? How many faces could you identify? How many stories could you hear? How many questions you could answer? How many questions you could raise? How could you identify originality? How could you identify yourself?

Hmmmm.. Living in a metro can be an incredible experience. A close-in encounter with sharp contrasts. A continuous rally of occasions and incidences that shape your life in every sense. This fact; some of us realize it, some of us simply know it. I, like anyone of us, have had such remarkable experiences all through my life. Pieces that triggered decisive turns and made me think and feel in unseen, forgotten dimensions. You might have seen some yourself also.

Some time back, I was having chai at a local roadside dhaba with a friend and his cousin. Older and bigger than us, he happened to be at some rank in the army. We were on with our weird usual discussion when we heard noises coming from the other side of the road. Two fruit waalas, on an unknown issue were on the ground, in dust, beating hell out of each other.

Friend: "What is happening? Why such mob?"

Noor: "What? They are fighting, beating each other!"

Friend: "Oh, I think we should stop them..."

Friend's Cousin: "What? Leave it.."

Friend (Sarcastically): "Saaley you're a soldier! You got to do it "

Cousin: Chutiya hai? Let them fight. Aik dusrey ko peeth kar thandey hojayein gey.. Agar roka na tou ghar ja kar apni biwion par gussa nikalein gey.. harami!

________________________________

Few may think of us as 'cowards' for doing nothing. May be. That should be one way to look at it. Certainly, in a city as big as ours, its just ONE WAY.

Kahan?

2009-06-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

Merey yaar mere dost...

Meri Qayenaat madhosh

Sab kho gaye hain kahan

Merey log...

Image: Jnb87 - Devianart

Where is:

2009-06-26T15:20:00.000-07:00

ORIGINALITY

Let's do it!

2009-06-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

"We spent the rest of our holiday on another island. Our plan was to travel on to Puerto Rico - but when we got to the airport, the flight was cancelled. People were roaming about, looking lost. No one was doing anything. So I did - someone had to. I chartered a plane for $2,000. I divided that by the number of people. It came to $39 a head. I borrowed a blackboard and wrote on it:

VIRGIN AIRWAYS. $39 SINGLE FLIGHT TO PUERTO RICO.

The idea for Virgin Airways was born".

Richard Branson

Hmm.

2009-06-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

O re piyaa

kehta jiya..

Tu hai kahan

Mein hoon yahan...

Jal mein kahin...

Why does one want to be strong? Being vulnerable can be beautiful. Love is just an illusion if it doesn't set you free. Life is just too boring without myths, art is just too dry without compassion. Emotions are nothing but mere connections.

Don't Let Yourself Crumble

2009-06-01T12:25:00.000-07:00

You got a dream?

You gotta PROTECT it

The Ultimate 'Dheedhs'

2009-05-31T04:31:00.000-07:00

1: 45 AM, I was working on a project when got a call from Imran's mother.

"Beta Imran has gone through an accident. He is in the hospital, quite serious"

OH damn!... I immediately switched off the work I was doing and called other friends... "AKU Emergency, jaldi!". I didn't tell anyone at home where was I going and just rushed out. I was shaken but not stunned, apprehensive of accident's severity but I somewhat knew what must have happened... I know Imran well.. and his ways.

15 minutes and here I was standing with his elder brother outside the room where doctors were working on him.

"I don't know man! Whats ***king wrong with him. Hazaar baar samjhaya ke mat chalao tez, mat karo bike racing.. par nahin!". Yes, I was right like everyone else. This all was expected since a long time.

________________

After 6 days of unconsciousness and critical care, he finally resumed talking. That day, we just got to talk 4, 5 minutes before his father came in with food and all. But those 5 minutes... that conversation... defines the way we live our lives. A belief that makes us poles apart from the rest. And it makes us come back for more...

First minute of our conversation:

"Kiya yaar!!! What's all this shit man?"

"Kiya?"

"Hmmmm.. Yeh!" I pointed at his broken plastered leg.

"Yeh? Aisehi. Chal Chor, aur suna!"

"Tu bata. Dard horaha hai?"

"Thora"

"Hmmmm.."

"But you know... I'm satisfied"

"Why?"

"Cuz just before I went down, I did what I wanted to do since a long long time... I actually performed that stunt! Now can you believe that?"

"Really? You did it? But how?"

*Smiles* For next 2, 3 minutes... he overlooked his pain and I forgot to be sympathetic.

_________________

People like Imran are not afraid of the punishments. They are not afraid of fresh starts. They can start from anywhere they want. Their minds dream, their hearts feel, their souls survive. Sometimes... they might feel embarrassed... cuz of the failures they meet in this rationally but artificially crafted world. They might have a guilty conscience... cuz of the pain they give to people who love... cuz of the society finds them inapt for their own understanding..

But then..

They do have a bad memory too. No guilt no pain can halt the chase they revere so much. Made with a built-in ability to kill their past and get back to life, these are actually the stubborn children of God. They are the 'Indisputable Dheedhs ' of the modern times...

And I somewhere believe.. They are the only ones who actually LIVE!

Image: DeviantArt

Thomasdelonge

Crack

2009-05-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

____________________________________

"Noor! I got highest in Process Engineering"

"Wow! That's great man. Well done!"

"Chor yaar re-sit tha!!!"

"Hain? Acha aur kitney bandey they?"

"Mein akela"

Jazzi laughs: "Haha! Abay yeh kiya chutiya-pana hai!!"

____________________________________

Nothings coming tonight. This is one un-animated and un-communicative version of pure expression. Oxymoron? May be. But then one gets to hear so much of them these days no? Stuff like legal murders and a smart ass! Mom suggests, "Wait, have patience". Now can you do both? You can either wait being edgy or can patiently say no to stuff coming ahead. Haina? But what to do with mom, she thinks other way. And she just can't be wrong. An incorrect mother would be a big BIG oxymoron! So you have to choose... your mother or your patience?

Hmmm... Such interesting name. Oxymoron? Being a hardcore chemistry student, it makes me think. Is it one oxidized form of a moron? And what if it reduces? De-oxy-moron or simply moron? What the hell?

Hey... Chemistry and morons. Another oxymo? Those who have studied adv. chemistry would deny!

You think am crazy and I think you're. Crazy me is equals to crazy you, cancellation on both sides and there's the answer. You and me! This signifies what? Simple. When we are together, there is intellectuality, rationalism, sense and peace. Anything but that mutual craziness.

Well... Do you believe that? I mean you me and logic?

What the hell! Give me some oxygen, am going moronic!!

60 Seconds

2009-04-25T11:56:00.000-07:00

Isn't this a beautiful thought? Whatever I do today, my love, my desires and all those aspirations... all that is about to come...

I can't be there before you. You got to protect me. Take decisions and act. To make things work for me.

And you have 60 seconds!

Thought Provoking!

2009-04-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

"What literature needs most to tell and investigate today are humanity's basic fears: the fear of being left outside, and the fear of counting for nothing, and the feelings of worthlessness that come with such fears; the collective humiliations, vulnerabilities, slights, grievances, sensitivities, and imagined insults, and the nationalist boasts and inflations that are their next of kin ... Whenever I am confronted by such sentiments, and by the irrational, overstated language in which they are usually expressed, I know they touch on a darkness inside me. We have often witnessed peoples, societies and nations outside the Western world–and I can identify with them easily–succumbing to fears that sometimes lead them to commit stupidities, all because of their fears of humiliation and their sensitivities. I also know that in the West–a world with which I can identify with the same ease–nations and peoples taking an excessive pride in their wealth, and in their having brought us the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, and Modernism, have, from time to time, succumbed to a self-satisfaction that is almost as stupid".

Orhan Pamuk

Turkish Author

Now

2009-04-18T12:59:00.001-07:00

It feels good to write after such a hiatus. Yes I wasn't really writing here but that doesn't mean I wasn't at all. Academics you know! Research papers, reports, essays, articles and yes... here I am. Safe and sound, back to my normal indigestible world of social parodies and personal mimicries. I enjoy working 13 14 hours a day as one team leader interacting, organizing and playing under pressure but this space of mine, this very moment when am alone makes me the person I am. Good bad whatever. My love to experiment with Truth and entertain issues touching limits of sanity is my strength. My home ground. The point where everything is deliberately out of control meticulously tangled to avoid cliches and generalizations.

Have been reading some blogs. Marina, Komal, Maria... I really like their work and yes, must say they all have that beautiful feminine way to words. Some more names may be.

Feeling stronger. Ready for a niche. Focused. Love??

Work? " Double Check".

Perfection

2009-04-16T13:51:00.000-07:00

He is the Man

2009-03-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

Al Pacino

Major "GENERAL" Nothing!

2009-03-22T16:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not really someone who loves to simplify. Nor do I believe in generalizations. I think that generalities survive merely in science books and the real world is far too slippery for the generals and ideals to stand. But sometimes, coming across the same things and people every other day, the desire to explore everything distinctively blurs away. Even though its for a very short time, I do get expecting and identifying the same attributes in everyone. And I think its happens with everyone of us. Facing the same thing 10 times, you are bound to foresee it coming again. You might wish for something different but you will expect the same!

I'm happy that these simplifications and generalizations don't lasts long. At least in my life. No matter how monotonous that whining and giggling might get, I feel I still have that much desire, that much energy to listen to them and isolate at least one note that really makes the difference. A note that defines individualism.

Noor
Tuesday, 08 May, 2008
1:53 AM

Madonna - Heartbeat

2009-03-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

Once I am moving, I'm alright

I can keep on going through the night...

Mean in Less

2009-03-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

Old friends, wacky pathani jokes, good food... Synonyms. Oh we all were laughing so much that night. Amazing stories we all had, about lives, its weird situations and of course, about our better halves.

And there she said, pointing her finger somewhere :

"Look! I want to go that far"

"Where? Moon? "

"Kion bai Kamila? Imran se bhaag rahi ho? "

She doesn't hear that. Smiles and goes on with her meal.

"Kaho?"

"Kiya?"

"Meinney poocha Imran se bhaag rahi ho?"

"Nahin"

"Tou phir chand par ussey saath le jaogi?"

"Chand? What chand? Kon jaa raha hai chand par?"

"Arey tum..."

"Mein?"

"Uffff!! Kamila.. Rehney do!"

___________________________________________

Hmmmm... nature can stir you in so many ways. Inspire you stimulate you , bring out the treasured from within. That scenic beauty of a full moon delighted and then connected her with nothing but herself. Symbolic, an omen that she is surrounded by nothing but herself. Its not moon, now its her destiny. She can see it, she knows its right there...

Listen to those echoes of nobody, its only natural. Dance as those raindrops sanctify everything... See those birds as they fly... higher and higher, just like you dreams. Follow them. Bring them back. Love them and pamper. And then... let them fly again.

Close your eyes. Is it still all black?

I'm not sure.

Being Beautiful - Revisited

2009-03-07T12:51:00.000-08:00

I kept on staring at this picture for very long. Trying to comprehend which emotion or emotions does this picture exactly portray? Desire or Anger? Seclusion or Seduction?... Self defense or Self detestation? What is she exactly yearning for? Love? Lust? Sex? Salvation? Escape?

No. Words can not simplify her.

She is indeed extremely beautiful. And this picture is certainly one of the finest I've seen in some time. The multitude of emotion, the UN-identified sensation do exemplify my concept of beauty to an extent. Beauty [to me] is dimension less. It doesn't mean it has nothing to say, but it says so much, it has so many distinctive yet complementing dimensions that it produces a sensation that talks with the purity. That motion less purity mesmerizes and takes you the the point from where every emotion stretches it's delicate arms and embraces the seeker. Amazing it is. We so easily keep on missing that point all our lives.

Beauty is not about color. It's not about how you look. It's doesn't care about how "in-shape" you are or how well dressed. But beauty in it's truest lies in the bluntness of emotions. In the roughness of expression. It exists in the sensations. Not just in face, but it resides in every movement of your existence. Every part of your body, every thought of your mind, every feel of your heart produces a vibe. Something that is worth feeling. Something that is beautiful. Something that is magical.

Noor.

Monday, January 21, 2008

1:13 AM

Dedicated to feminine beauty.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

2009-02-23T11:43:00.001-08:00

No, Nothing less. Want it 24*7. I need it this way. Yes most of the time its about engulfing the brutal facts BUT not always. There are moments, those precious little gem like... when you get to remove those blinders. And slash off those sadistic black visors that prevent you from reaching inside. They make you run through a fixed predetermined axis.. day after day.. year after year. Triumphs, failures, excitements, enticements, pain, fear, love, regret... Hey!! You're actually doing quite good on that encoded blueprint.. that fixed axis.

...............

But what if one day, you realize that you never looked beyond. And never opened out? In fact, you reached for the outcasts, the outsiders and directed them in. Does one realize that its important to understand this synchronization? That its important to reach inside and open outside? That inner should come out and outer shouldn't go in. Everything around that axis is an illustrative inner image marked by some precised moments. Its now and then its gone. Infinity lies within. Humans are the nothing but illustrative images of the infinity that resides within themselves. Humanity indeed, is infinite. Relationships are nothing but descriptive images of the infinity called Love. War is nothing but the exploratory reflections of the infinity called Hate.

Love should come out, relationships shouldn't go in. Can hurt.

There is one thing I don't understand, though. Windows.. Do they open in? or out?

*Smiles*

Image: Sortvind - Deviantart

Rehna Tu.. Hai Jaisa Tu

2009-02-22T12:15:00.000-08:00

Tujhe badalna na chahoon

Rati bhar bhi sanam

Bina sajawat, milawat
Na zyaada na hi kaam

Tuhje chaahon jaisa hai tu...

Eye.

2009-02-12T11:15:00.000-08:00

Learn those basic facts. Relax, as the outcomes are decided. Don't look back and don't' look back. Love isn't coming back, dreams are the goners. Its scary.. to see those clouds gather.. white, gray, black.. Boom!!!! And its raining. Coldplay is going live but you can't hear them. You try to smile but no one is looking at you. And then you cry... Oh you're so melting.. your emotions dripping.

"Why did you prefer medicine over philosophy, Shabnam?"

"May be the mysteries of the human body are less confusing!"

________________________________________

Break free and let it go. Your extremities wont let you live, you want to live no? I know you love me but my destiny lies somewhere else. You know, my life isn't my story... The complications that I suffer are not mine. The corridors of my emotions, the windows of my expressions... and all those vacant moments... its all like a puzzle where 'everything' and 'nothing' questions are not asked. I can hear those strange whispers. Can you?

_________________________________________

You say you identify me? Do you even get a word?

Dasht -e- Tanhai Mei

2009-01-31T11:00:00.000-08:00

Amid this delirium, I find peace. A truth that this serene uncertainity is the only certain expression of life. Urgency of reclamation is not a concern, continuity of thoughts is a hopeless gesture.

Not me, not love. When its about you... Its about nothing else.

Is Qadr Pyaar Se Ae Jaan-e-Jahan Rakha hai
Dil Ke Rukhsaar Pe Is Waqt Teri Yaad Ney Haath
Yun Guma Hota Hia Garchey Hai Abhi Subh He Firaaq
Dhal Gaya Hijr Ka Din Aa Bhi Gayi

...Wasl Ki Raat

Yes We Can

2009-01-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

"Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task."

Wednesday, January 21,2009

Barrack H Obama becomes 44th US President

2009-01-18T04:29:00.000-08:00

May Allah be with you

Was Hitler a Muslim?

2009-01-16T07:11:00.000-08:00

For the last few days, I've been receiving hundreds of messages condemning, swearing, cursing Israel and the Jews. Messages that were supposed to be sent in support of Palestinians and the world peace. One of these messages cited from Hitler's book. "I destroyed Jews but left few so that the world knows why I was killing them". One freak acquaintance even kept it as his personal message on FB with his freakier friends commenting 'Hail Hitler' 'Kill all Jews' 'Down with Israel, AllahuAkbar'. What precious thoughts. A benchmark example of how ridiculous we are as a nation with absolutely no idea of what we are talking about. I hate to be so harsh when I truly believe that Israeli attack on Gaza is an extremely inhumane and barbaric act. But what about us? Who the hell we think we are? What the f**k we actually want?

Let me put it this way, if we hate the Jews so much, why shouldn't the Jews hate us with same intensity? If we want to annihilate them, why shouldn't they wish the same?

We so talk about peace but don't understand its fundamentals. Peace is just an outlook. A view that testifies that all processes are running smooth. These may be contrasting but they are co-existing. Just like your car. You can't talk about peace with 5% of your elites using 70% of the total wealth. Last week I visited seven different cities of Sindh and the conditions there are shattering. Infra-human, literally. I would've looked like a joker if I had talked about peace, patriotism and equality with those hungry insect like humans crawling out there. Their hunger was disturbing.

Peace evolves from equality and not from master slave mindsets. Equality doesn't exist anywhere and we are The epitome of that master-slave mindset. Think about it and you'll realize that in the disguise of peace, we all are actually mourning over our present status. Hate it but you can't run away from it. Yes, we are weaker, the losers. Yes, in the current world scenario, we have forced ourselves in a position where half of the Muslim world is crumbling economically and the other half doesn't have any idea what to do with all its resources. We are handicapped. We are dependent. We love to be at western universities, read their books, watch their shows, eat their hamburger, wear their brands, fantasize their bodies, and Oh! Alhamdulillah, I'm a Muslim.

__________________________________________________

When I see rallies and protests and demonstrations in favor of those innocents getting butchered in Gaza, I feel that we actually have nothing to do with it, at all. We are not supporting them. We are actually disclosing our helpless-ness, our frustration. We all believe somewhere in our hearts that since we are THE Muslims, we have a right to rule. We want to be The masters, we fucking don't want peace. We want the chabuk in our hands. We so hate the Jews we want to torture them out of this world, just in the likings of Hitler's concentration camps.

I believe, talking about peace is just a bull-shit way to comfort ourselves. To run away from reality that we can't do anything. Peace is nothing but a forged ideology with life from cosy dining rooms to stinking toilets.

Those who are suffering and those fighting, I haven't heard them talk about peace. Its simple: When you can't confront, you follow.

Still

2008-12-20T13:00:00.000-08:00

There are so many contridictions
In all these messages we send
(we keep asking)
How do I get out of here
Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breakin
Its waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will
Learn to be still

Learn to be still

Remarkable

2008-12-16T11:44:00.000-08:00

There are things that have to be done and you do them and you never talk about them.

You dont try to justify them. They cant be justified . You just do them.

And then u forget.

Justice for All?

2008-12-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

When I was like 12 13 years, he used to visit us. Shaukat, uncle Shaukat. Lanky stature, weak eye sight, oily hair... He was a family friend but we didn't have such a high opinion of him. Actually not many had. Reason was his fierce temperament, irresponsibility towards his wife and children, and his unquenchable thirst to preach. Mysterious he was. We haven't heard from him in last 4 5 years and I have no idea where is he and how. But I still remember something he told my father way back then. I was just sitting next to him listening. At that time, that statement sound impressive but it’s just now that I can relate to it. Somewhat, I mean.

"Never ask God for justice. Never say 'Oh God! He is doing this wrong to me. Give me justice'. Never say that. Just ask for His mercy. Ask for his Reham. His justice is total and you don't know it might not be in your favor either".

How often in our lives we ask for justice? How many times we say... This matter and that matter should be brought to justice. Equality, impartiality, fairness from our minuscule perspectives. Its just when you look from totality, from a total perspective, you find that the standpoint you took all your life is itself continuously in motion. It’s only then you realize that through your lives, all you bloody asked for was unjustified justice, partial impartiality and unfair fairness.

Seldom have we understood this. And we yearn for justice and equality. We don't realize justice in a total sense can actually work against us. It has that potency. It can actually counter-act and reshape the entire life of the one who seeks it. Sometimes in some confrontations, we want justice to swing in our side. It something like you wear yellow, your enemy wears black and then you ask God to sway justice in favor of whose wearing whiter. You see... no one is.

Justice. Hmmmm.. Thousands of people gathered on the streets of Mumbai holding candles as fragile as their characters asking for peace, end to war and justice. But which justice? If they're talking about the justice in its totality then every day at least 100 people should be killed in metros like Mumbai and Karachi. Isn’t so? Justice should be such that for every blast that happens in FATA or Afghanistan or anywhere, a blast should happen in Mumbai too. What these Mumbaikars want is that they shouldn't be disturbed from watching their 3rd grade movies, eating pani purees and enjoying their so called booming democratic lives while others burn. This is their minuscule way of perceiving justice.

Africa in on a verge of famine. And we ask for justice when someone spills our coffee. 40% people live below dollar a day and we seek justice saying the CJ Chaudhry hasn't got salary for X number of months. Such tiny creatures we are. With such narrow view. And it gets narrower when the spotlight is on us. When we feel the heat. When we lose our religion. That's when it all happens. And happens with everyone. You me, both!

Indeed such insignificant creatures with no influence over the outcomes should never ask for justice. Ask for mercy, kindness, rahem. May be it suits our stature.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

1:38 AM

2008-11-24T10:46:00.000-08:00

Ainu Pyaar Da Chaska Ay Saain... Te Ishq Hi Aidi Liya Sakve

Aite Maththey Taaj Mohabbat Da... Akkhaan Vich Nasha ...Ibaadat Da

Reflections

2008-11-22T12:02:00.000-08:00

It’s not about explaining things in a different way. It’s about seeing them from angles that are sometimes overlooked, tabooed, forbidden or hidden. It’s about reflecting on them. But is that really a possibility? If something practically exists, it can’t be tabooed and if it’s meant to stay untouched unknown, why would that thing possibly exist? It’s not just about the war between structuralism and functionalism, understanding them and then glamorizing them with cold, unfelt and proper inflected words.

People around me often ask "Why do you love playing with words so much?" "Why in the world you have this obsession of defining everything so differently?” No. It’s not like that. Seldom they realize, I don’t explain things differently, I rather see them that way. And then I question. That’s so natural. And pretty rational in case you heed about logic too much. Try this. Wear an outfit, stand in front of a mirror, see you reflection in it. A minute, two minutes. And? And then you start reflecting. That reflection isn’t just about that image of yours or your pretty outfit. It’s something beyond that. Some questions pop up, "Am I looking good?" "Have I gone plump?” et cetera. Something sometimes very basic and illogical. You can’t avoid this whole process. Yes you can ignore and break that cycle in between but if it has to complete, it should be about observing, reflecting and reflecting again and this process goes on and on. This very thing can make you stand in front of that mirror for hours!

They say an apple fell on Newton and he gave the ultimate gravity to the world. They missed such a key point there. They didn’t recognize even Newton couldn’t avoid the cycle since he was a human too. What happened is: An apple fell on Newton's head [He is observing], he absorbed and analyzed what had actually happened and why [Reflecting]. And he didn’t stop there. He questioned it. Queried it. Inquired. That’s so Reflecting Again. I told ya, it gives a complex, tangled mass of questions but then it worth it, no? Reflections are bound to yield magnum opus.

Watching, observing, absorbing, reflecting, questioning, and questioning... This whole process… It’s such a beautiful prodigy no? I believe answers are inherent to God and questioning to us, humans. This should be encouraged while educating ourselves. It’s such a core point. Irrespective of the answers, right wrong whatever, questions should be raised. A question should transcend into another question and if it goes like this, you allow yourself to get close to God, you allow Him to do what He does the best. You allow Him to ANSWER.

*Smiles*I know I'm getting absurd and incomprehensible day by day. Full sympathies with all those who love and want to be with me, but you see, I just say what I see, what I feel. Being with me can get silly, impractical and coarsely uneven but it mustn’t be dull. I live in a world where nothing ends… everything just transcends.