Let me tell you this..

Its time for some confessions. Even though I have a slightly different way of perceiving women and I've written alot about it already, I still can't change the fact that 'm a 21 year old guy and like any other, I do get attracted to girls. Now how I watch, what I find attractive, what I think about is another story but if you talk about the bottom line then yes! I should confess 'm like anyone else.

Just a couple of days back, I was having food at some elite Italian restaurant on Zamzama with some friends. The food was okay and the ambiance.. okaaaaaayyyyy!! It was all boys and like any other day, we were busy discussing things you might guess [you do?]. Suddenly, I don't know may be my [boyish] reflexes, I just glanced at the person who had just entered in. It was meant to be just a quick glance but then.. well.. for next 20 25 minutes I glanced, gazed, gawked, stared, and what not!! But I swear I didn't drool. Did I? :s

She was indeed very pretty. Sporting a classy black kurti and sexy pair of denims, she just walked passed us and sat exactly where I wanted her to. Wow! I thought.

She must be of my age that is 21 22 since she had a refreshingly glowing face. Her hair, exactly the way I want. Not too long and all tied up. Yes!! I like them this way since this exposes the neck part of a feminine body. And that feminine delicacy is my biggest "turn on". Strange? :s A very fine gold chain matched perfectly.

I won't deny. She had a beautifully framed body. And lets not get into those details... [Guys can always contact me later].

Even though I was completely enchanted by her physical beauty, I did make a conscious effort to observe her ways as well. Elegant mannerism is another big turn on mind you! Even in this area, she hit a six or should I say, completely bowled me out? :S

I don't know if I will ever see her again. But, I must say, her beauty was inspiring. Not just attractive, but soothingly fresh as well.

Friday, August 1, 2008

3:32 AM

Its Me Again...

Last night, I had actually nothing to do. Since last few weeks, my days have been much busier. Juggling multiple projects at the same time isn't that difficult as it might seem but yes, it can get lengthy. No complaining since its a choice I have made for myself. None of the projects have been given by someone else.

Friends often wonder why I've started to work so much more. Some even ask what do I actually want out of all this? Success, money, fame, PR ... Yes! They are all on the list but they aren't the reason. Reason that moves and convinces me to take more and more work coming my way.

I find peace while working. I find a way to escape from things I don't want anymore. It moves me forward. From thinking about my past and everything associated with it. Things, places and people... It helps me to stay away from lives of people I love... and my own life too!

----------

Last night, I wandered alone in rain for hours, experiencing the connection of my soul with nature. After so many days, I finally met myself.


And? Realizations....


I don't care for love anymore. Now, living without friends is easy. Hurting someone is easier. Accepting things as they are ... Easiest.

I realized I've grown up. I've successfully purged myself from almost all of my emotional needs.

I now really feel, I can achieve success big time!! A numb corporate giant may be :)

Few months back, was forced to move on... to accept things as they are!


That has changed me.



Don't want to let it lay me down this time
Drown my will to fly
Here in the darkness I know myself
Can't break free until I let it go
Let me go

Thursday, 31st July, 2008

1:59 AM

Freedom...

Kaash key sochein na samjhein...

Pyaar na badley...

Human intellect can never match the intensity of a soul. And the intensity our emotions generate. Relating emotions with intellect is like a commander asking his soldier to comment on the war strategy. Intellect is powerful but is inherent to follow. Einstein, Alexander, Jinnah, Beethoven, Bill Gates, Nelson Mandela, Castro, Rajneesh, Salman Rushdie... Regardless of when they lived and what they did or do, their emotions drove them! Lust, power, love, anger, frustration... Emotions aren't just pleasant no?

When you let your emotions, your passions to drive you, you can talk to the very same person every night. You can work 18 hours a day. You can lend huge sums to people you don't even know. You can take far more risks. You can enjoy so much more. You can love and can be loved so much more.

As soon as logic, rationalism and mind intervenes, things change. Intensities go down, passions lost.

Don't let your mind change you. Live for something you desire. Flow faster than the speed of your thoughts. You might get hurt in the process but then, hurt itself is a emotion worth feeling!

Friday, July 25th, 2008

3:05 AM

S and C

My father has countless friends. Friends of his age, older and some even young. Some of them are hardcore capitalists. Original in their core, they lust for money and don't shy away from discussing it with their helpless sons who [how foolishly] still consider things like morality, love and literature. Perhaps their papas know this immaturity won't last long.

And then there are socialists. Equality, Justice, Peace.. Blah Blah Blah! The truth is, most of them are actually botched capitalists. Failed! People wearing blanket over their heads, hiding rags they have on their bodies. They are bruised, cuts all over but no blood. They can feel a lot but with such a numb body, they can't do anything. Anything about anything. And of course they fear. They fear because they are half naked. Removing that socialism, justice, equality blanket might reveal who they actually are.

Aamir

Only once in a while, comes a movie which actually makes you sit down and think. Not only it keeps you glued to the screen during its run-time but even when its over, it keeps on flashing in your mind. Only something soulful and original can have such kind of impact.

Aamir, indeed is a fantastic movie. Its extremely real in its core. A classic onscreen reflection of the mind boggling, hard hitting and ever changing lives we live. The execution of the plot is so spot on that the situations keep on unfolding and you don't even realize when it reaches its finale. The protagonist is not an alien or an NRI [Like Yashraj or Karan Johar Movies] coming to the world we live in and you can easily identify with him. Supporting characters are exceptionally real and look familiar as well.

Rajeev Khandelwal is sensational! I 've never seen his TV serials but surely he makes his mark big time on the big screen. He gets into the skin of his character deftly and comes out victorious. The way he delivers his dialogues and emotes with his eyes stamps on the fact that he knows his craft well and is one to watch out for in days to come.

Special mention to the background score!

All in all, Aamir is a remarkable movie. The climax left me static and speechless. But a must-see if you ask me!

Rating: 8.5/10

Frustrations I try to avoid...

Hazaaron Khwaahishen Aisi...

So many people. So many desires.. So many expectations. With so much around, one gets disturbed, obviously. But suffocation is also common if you are living in a 'Pak Watan' (Pure Country) like ours. Pak Watan overly crowded. And crowded with what? Shitty people.. shitty desires... shitty expectations!!

Lawyers seek justice. And so do those pimps [Is he gone to Dubai? Or London may be]. The Chief Justice hasn't been to the toilet since November 3. Once he gets reinstated, he will certainly visit that safe place. And so will the others. And then my friend, there is going to be peace, prosperity and justice... Too many shitty people, too many shitty desires.. too many shitty expectations..

Pakistani Youth going western, obviously in an attempt to embarrass the west . Girls wearing body hugging rags.. desperate for an English accent... having no clue what are they are talking about... and guess what!? These girls have fans... Many shitty people, many shitty desires.. and? expectations..

People talking about mobiles, people talking about fashion, people talking about sports, people talking about politics, people talking about bodies.. and breasts and legs and shirts.. and jeans and STOP!!! Please stop. I need to go and check out that dust bin over there... Its looks full. But with so much shit around me already, I don't know whats in there.. Let me check it..

Ohhh.. Oh My Lord...

That's music! and That's Art... OH those are our ethics... and... And there is the bag full of ideas there!!! And I found those emotions.. they seem rotten but better than shit no? whats that? Ohh.. that's a book of Sartare..

There is so much for me in here... Its too much to carry home, specially with these responsibility sicken, haggard shoulders..

So my dear friends, if you don't find me anywhere, you now know where to search... You might call it anything, but I don't care.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

2:13 AM

What About?

Doubts, confusions, uncertainties.. are so important. They let you to explore so much more. When you are not satisfied with what you have, you are living. Westerners find peace in meditation.. our people from East love to relax the Zeppelin way!! West is tired of west and is in doubts. East has its own confusions and is wandering. But no one actually gets anything substantial in the end. Substantial, if one sees where he stands, what he gets. But what about the experience?

I consulted a palmist few months back. Not because I really believe in palmistry but merely because she was pretty. Exploration. Search. Uncertainty. This is what she read. She predicted my life to swing between things. Predicted high chances of me being into gambling. Predicted multiple affairs. Predicted life threatening accident-s. Predicted restlessness, all through.

I accept it. Restless is who I'm. But I feel that a woman's love can calm me down. I really feel this way. I've always been amazed by the way a woman can love. The intensity only a woman can generate should nullify all my uncertainties and allow me to stand still. Even for some vacant moments.

Saturday, June 28th, 2008

1:48 AM