Because no one is like you - I

We are six months old today. Six incomparably beautiful months of my life. Six months of uninterrupted togetherness. Countless hours spent in each other’s arms. Conversations that often led to passionate lovemaking; Lovemaking, that had no track of time, as many of our days were all about being in bed. Amsterdam, Brussels, Paris, Istanbul, Athens, Rome… seems like a dream, no?

I remember the night we got together. You were wearing that blue shirt, your eyes glowing like I had seen never before, your face, calm. Fourteen hours of conversation, thousands of miles between us, completely unaware of what is to come in next few months. That was New York – Wageningen my dear, soon to be Karachi – Wageningen.  While I was flying back to Karachi, I had absolutely no idea how long are we going to last; how many times are we going to see each other, with so many of societal, familial limitations around us. And then, a strange sense of nervousness… ‘How it would be to meet her in person?’

Ahhh…

Kahva was simply beautiful, wasn’t it? We connected instantly, and then over and over again, seeing each other eight times in three weeks of my stay in Karachi. Is that a lot? Well, to set some scale, I met my best friend twice (for fifteen minutes) and all my other friends and relatives  just once during this period. We ended up watching YJHD thrice in cinema, that too in Ramadan. Hahaha. I have never in my life seen a movie thrice in such short intervals, let alone in cinema. But well, was I ever watching the movie? I don’t think I even remember the story or all the characters.

……….

I am about to reach my stop, soon to be with you. But I will write more. This, I figure is going to be a series of posts… a celebration of us.

I want to end now saying that this journey, with you my love has been one incredible experience. So full of emotions. You are my sunshine, your laughter makes my life brighter, your words make me feel so, so special. I feel so connected, so much in love with you that it is practically becoming extremely difficult for me to imagine myself without you. How is it ever going to happen.

Love you.

Like I have loved no one else.

Noor. 

Train to Amsterdam

Here I am, heading to Amsterdam, then to Brussels, then to Paris. The way human mind functions is such a mystery. Bizarre. Or perhaps mine dwells in abstraction more than some sane ones around. It didn't allow me to write for months, entangled, in and with its own complexities. Sowing seeds but not letting me water them. When others tried to, it simply rejected. Stubborn. And it likes to yawn, once in a while. Bored of simple questions, and complicated answers. Sometimes four in the morning, sometimes five, it begins to yawn so wide  that out of my fear I have to shut it down, and let it sleep. Else I fear, it might just gulp me in. 

God, life, destiny, universe has been incredibly kind on me. For I get to travel often now. Love, that I was waiting for since so, so long is with me now. Every time I board a train, every time I see her face, every single time it kiss her lips... I feel blessed. I don't know if this is what I have always dreamt of, as my dreams are all part of a bigger orchestra inside my head, but this, what I have today, you, and this enabling freedom... is special. 

I can't wait to see your loving, lovable face again.

Noor.

10:43 PM

Waqt kath-taa bhi nahin

Waqt rukta bhi nahin

Dil hay sajdey mein magar

Ishq jhuk-taa bhi nahin....

Bus hay itni

Khuwahish dil ki

Ksh -mou- ksh na ho

Kaash ki

Your answer

The story of conventionalism is very much localized. For your distinction may not have anything to do with how humanity dwells in the regions where you have never lived. If you do not belong, you can not be unconventional. Perhaps out of place, at best. And someday, while crossing street or just conversing with friends, or being trapped by the proverbial schedule of confusion, you will realize how difficult yet desirable it is to be both relevant and unconventional, together, at the same time.

It is indeed your own setting, your own habitat that defines conventions.

Have you ever thought, what makes someone intriguing, more intricate than others.

..........

Integrity.

Courage.

Humility.

Simplicity.

quiet Confidence.

Perseverance.

....

Look around.

What...

...do you see.

And this, my friend...

..is not a question.

Perhaps, your answer.

..when you wake up to such emails!

I am heading to bed after watching a really depressing movie about Algeria's independence (for a class) and writing a page and a half of my econ paper. I smoked a cig tonight, but not to get away or anything. I just wanted to...don't know why. I miss you, really.

Every few minutes, I get urges to pick up my phone and tell you what I am up to, despite knowing you would not read it until after several hours. My paper is still incomplete and I didn't finish the movie or reading for any one the classes I have tomorrow. I will wake up early to finish the paper.

After getting back from the meeting, I spent a good couple of hours just missing you. It was difficult to come to peace with the knowledge that I would go to bed alone second night in row now.

I hope you are sleeping and dreaming very well.

Love you so much.

March 14, 2013

04.35am

I can't sleep.

I can see the daylight.

It is that time of the night.

I miss you -