Today is June 25 2017. 22:45. This is me, at my desk, Minnie by my side, another post on Wajdaan. After every few minutes I turn around and check if you are still sleeping peacefully, and that this noise from my typing hasn’t woken you up. You have had a long day, I know my dear. And of course, you aren’t as nocturnal as I am. You have the intelligence, and I, the insomnia… well… don’t we both have something owlish about ourselves.
We have been living together for a few years now… but I still sometimes wonder if this is real. If all of this is actually happening. You wouldn’t know my love, but a lot of times, while you are asleep, I touch your hand, and stroke your hair… and sit by your side… for hours. Thinking, thanking… and going through the memory lane yet again… our journey, of love, growth, and eternal togetherness.
Hah, do you remember the first time I met your father? Boy, I was nervous or what! You would tell me ‘baba buhut gussey waale hain’ and I, in my heart, would go like ‘Shit man… How do I not appear like an idiot in front of her father…!!!’ It was 10,000 times tougher than any job interview or any exam, for sure! But then, he has seen the world, an earnest man who has earned everything that he has today… and this my dear, was a big factor in soothing my otherwise wrecking nerves. I knew exactly what I had to do: 1- Absolutely avoid cracking stupid jokes 2- Absolutely avoid getting into subjects such as religion 3- Absolutely open my heart and let him know how much I love and want his daughter in my life. Tell him that I will try to be less of an idiot, that I will never ever break her heart, that I will always, and always keep her as the center of my life and attention, and that… we will be so, so, so happy together. AH! I clearly remember how he hugged me so tightly after our conversation… and haha, you remember how I looked at you, almost saying, ‘Komal… he is breaking bones…!’
Meeting your ammi, on the other side, was easier, I should say. And funny. She would ask me something, and then start telling me one of your childhood stories. In so many ways, you are like her, you know. A storyteller, a gorgeous smile, and completely unassuming. Innocent but in an amusing way. I didn’t have to convince her much either, your daily conversations with her over Viber had done the trick I assume ;-)! But hey, no tricks, I genuinely love you okay?
And.. ha ha ha… the funniest, was when you met my mum for the first time. Five minutes, and you were both quiet. Finding things to talk about. I literally had to dispatch Aamna for rescue. But my mum always liked you a lot; as I had told you so. Even today whenever you are not around, she makes me sit down and instructs how-I-should-stop-being-a-kid. Tum batao, I have improved over the years, haven’t I?
Ah! There are so many such stories, my love… our trip to Mauritius? And those Greek islands? And the first time we cooked for our friends together? You remember how Jueeli, Abhay and Tapas had started talking in Marathi and we both were like ‘Remote kahan hay, koi yeh Marathi channel change kero yaar..’. And how we had surprised Fatemah on her birthday! And how we had gone for a long drive after cutting her cake around midnight? How can I forget that you played that one Ek Villian ka song 15 times in a span of two hours? :-p ‘Teri galliyannn… galliyan teri galliyaaaann..’ Aha! Kiya baat hay!! Wah wah!
You know I have always felt I am a bit strange. Competitive, but in an unusual way… ambitious but not much of a planner. I have never planned ‘ke meri aisi job ho, ke 40 years tak I want to be the CEO of this company, ya I want to have this house or car or even that many kids.’ I think, or rather like to think that I can see beyond numbers and/or tangibles.
But I absolutely cannot imagine myself, my life without you. I say this today, with all conviction and sincerity. I have never connected to places, you are my home, my shelter… every evening when we both come back from work….your smile, a tight hug, the fragrance of your being… and hey! I am fresh again! We work together and contribute to lives around us, we cook together and make the best chicken biryani ever, we can both be hysterical and uptight, we both can write and sing well, we… are just so good together. You are just too good, and I am a quick learner!
We were not able to do anything for your birthday, as you were busy finalizing a project. But hey, I haven’t told you, I have booked our flight to Prague! For an entire week in August, only you and me, like those backpackers again.. traveling, exploring, lots of fried rice, coffee, long walks… Like the first time we travelled across Europe, during the later part of 2013. And I would always count countries and cities we went to… Paris, Berlin, Athens, Rome, Istanbul…
Ohh… I think you are up!
‘Kiya hua meri jaan?’
‘Noor.. mujhey spoon kero naa!’
Thereeeee you gooooo!
How can I say no now?
So see you later.
But may the perpetual light keep shining upon us.