Sunday, April 22, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
But who is this that follows me in the silent dark?
I move aside to avoid his presence but I escape him not.
He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger;
he adds his loud voice to every word that I utter.
He is my own little self, my lord, he knows no shame;
but I am ashamed to come to thy door in his company.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
But...!! Our daily visit isn't confined to eating at all... we are addicted to discussions and debates.. [I hate the latter]... Prof. Mahmood's infinte absence from class, Mr. Feroz's natural jhukaao towards girls.. yup! "jhukaao" is The word, Lab reports and theories... how unfair our education system is... Pakistan's performance in last night's match, what's wrong "with him" and this him changes everyday...
To be Continued...
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Girls...! No matter from where our discussions start.. they always end up where long hair, big eyes and curves are... is that normal??
I'm usually very dynamic and vibrant in these discussions.. they are fun. I mean you stare at a girl, try to see everything that's visible, visualize things that could 've been visible.. I love cursing our cricket team, I'm arguably the most ferocious commentor on professors...I'm the One who insists "Guys, lets do something adventrous"... Inshort, any discussion which relates to fun.. I just jump into it without a second thought...
But, when things begin to get darker, when sensitive but serious issues arise.. I'm quiet. It's not becuase I 've nothing much to say, but my views are somewhat different... and I don't want to lose good friends.. *smiles..*
They say Men are superior to Women.. I think and believe, nothing is more beautiful in this very world then her [her symbolizes womanhood]...
and more than that I believe Men are bastards...[I want the count to start from me]...
To be continued...
Tuesday, 17th April, 2007
I have way too many friends than my family actually thinks I 've.. I enjoy them but I guess my flight is too high for them..or may be my direction is different or may be the aim is..
Jo bhi ho, I don't want to feel superior.. I'm quite ordinary.. I want to meet ordinary people more.. m tired of greeting gentlemen.. I don't want to discuss politics anymore, nor girls, my future, Pakistan's future..
Can anyone show me some ordinary people??
Strange mood! For what? I don't know... I want to beat somebody real badly... and that someone should be a loved one, someone close to me... that's a condition...
I think I’ve an identity crisis... things are just fine no! They are great. Life is fun! Still I don't know who I am... it's not because of anyone... I think 'm losing myself with every passing second...
May be this is the last time I 'm writing something about myself in this blog... I don't want myself all the time... I want to get into people...their lives... I want to write about them... they are bigger [collectively], 'm smaller [individually]...
Strange!! *smiles…* I 'm... I feel like running in the darkness of midnight... I asked one kid to allow me kiss his cheek and when he nodded... I felt like slapping him as hard as I can... I want to study but I just hate my books... my professors, I love my mom but 'm fed up of her care... I 'm living but I want to experience death... * smiles...again* ... 'm sure... I would be dying to live then...
sambhaal sakogi mujhey...???
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Ask those poor to stop shitting and start working!!!!
I believe " Making Money and making Love are eaisiet of all the Arts.. if you can channelize your mind and heart.."
PS: I don't care, if u didn't get it!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
2. Did you have an imaginary friend? not really..
3. If yes, what was his/her name? N/A
4. Did you want to get married? not really but was naturally over attracted towards girls..
5. How many kids did you want to have? 2-3
6. What did you want their names to be? never thought of that
7. What kind of a perfect life did you want to live? a good companion, pots of money, a speedy car, loads of junk foods, no pa!
8. What kind of house did you want to live in? May b more quieter.. like on seashore.
9. Did you play with dolls or army toys? I had an army of soldiers :P
10. What was your most favorite toys' name? I don't remember exactly, but I loved them all.
11. Who was your childhood hero? Bhai
12. What was your favorite article of clothing? Vest :P
13. Who did you want to be like when you grew up? I wanted to be myself.. someone unique.
14. What did you want to be when you grew up? multi-millionaire..
15. Who were some of your best friends? Must be between Anis, Imran, Aamir, Mahmood, Waseem , I didnt know whats a best friend at that time.
16. How old were you when you learned to ride a bike? I guess 13 14
17. How did you feel? Don't remember:P
18. What was your favorite food? Mostly Non-veg.. biryanis, bbqs etc etc
19. Who was your favorite baby-sitter?I hated all those who considered me baby! :P
20. What did you think it would be like to drive a car? Boring question!
21. Did you ever own anything that had to do with My little ponies, Rainbow Brite or G.I Joes? No
22. Did you play with Barbie and Ken dolls? Nahin Bhai.. was too much busy in cricket and quarreling..
23. Did you play with baby dolls? No
24. Did you ever have one of those play kitchens? No
25. Did you ever own a Cozy Coupe? I could answer that if I knew what it was..
26. Do you remember shows like, Ducktales, Tale Spin, Gummi Bears or Lunch Box? Used to watch.. yeah id.
27. Did you ever own a power wheels car? Did, I threw it from the balcony one day...
28. Did you ever watch the show "Puff the Magic Dragon?" no
29. Who was your favorite pet? We had a cat.. i don't remember the name..
30. Did you ever believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny? yeah.. I loved Christmas time and the cartoons they used to show..
31. If yes, who did you think the santas and easter bunnies at the mall were? here i never saw one.
32. How did you feel when you learned how to tie your shoe finally? that now I can tie any knot in this world :P
33. Did you ever have one of those slap-on wristbands? yes
34. Did you ever wear stick-on earings? no
35. Write down one specific memory that you have never forgotten of your childhood: I havent frgttn my friends, my sweet crushes on my teachers, my group, fights in my family [esplly at dining table], my naana ji, my old poetry diary which i dont know where it is..nw..i havent frgttn 3 accidents I met.. no broken bones though...
Sometimes I think it's bad to feel so much... feel about everything, about everyone because you know emotions don't matter... what do I have.. Does. What I 've done... Does matter.
When I walk in a crowd... I feel I'm alone.. I don't know what it is.. may be I think 'm not fit for this society or may b I've a superiority complex...!?? They... sometimes they stare, sometimes they laugh.. but they never cry and miss me when 'm gone.. Do I want them to miss me??? Does it matter???
A feel of worthlessness surrounds me everytime.. people close to me have made me believe that 'm worth of absolutely nothing... and they are quite right when I compare myself with my friends, cousins and collegues.. They certainly have more energy, more life, more masti, more charm ...... what do I have?? Feelings???
HELLO??????? anyone??? I wanna sell my feelings for free.. take them please.. I 've been feeling completely filled for so long, now I wanna feel completely empty...
Okay.. lemme cut my this I, I and feeling, feeling shit off and allow myself to think something bad.. real bad! m tired of being good.. heheh.. when I was like 17 18 naa, I used to watch porn movies and at that time, I used to forget everything, literally everything...
forget about watching a porn now.. but I wanna that sort of a Focus [ you might know what I mean]...
But life is good, I love Karachi.. and I love Pakistan.. Pakistan Zindabad!!
PS: Shit 'good', shit ' love', shit 'Zindabad'...
you see somethings are meant to be...
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Is it so important? I 've thought about much till now... but no actions? where are the actions? Damn! they want results.. world wants RESULTS.. do I??
People around me are so monotonous..when they say they love me, they all say it togather... and I think they do love me... but they don't answer the most urgent question of my life... " Is it bad to be different?" "Is it bad to think..."
Let's see what they say:
Pa: 'Us sey kaho "sudher jaye", warna i will throw him out of MY house...'
Ma: 'Beta Parhai mein dhiyaan dou... hum log aaj hain, kal nahin...'
Bhai: ' Abhi aik dou saal aur aish kar ley.. phir khud seedha hojayegaa jab zamaaney ki laat pareygi naaa...'
Sis: ' Aur motey, kaisa hai? parhaii kaisi hai...'
Friends: Noor, Kis ki soch mein ho, kis ki yaad aarahi bhai...
Needless to say, they love me but they don't even know me.
Since I 've met her, I 've found an amazing silence and peace in her, her agitated self soothes my existance, her raw and unsophisticated presence has given me strength to survive in the mob of artificially designed expression-less humans [humans?], when she searches for answers, when the unknown fustrates her... I feel like bringing the whole world to her and say " Take anything you want, my lady..."
Though she is very complex to understand, she has given me a space in herself, a space where I lay down and relax.. There, I can't hear the instructions of my father, I can't hear the yapping of my friends.. It's so quiet. It's a space to feel, a space to express, a space to think... now I don't even want answers from anyone, she has given me The answer...
she has given me... Myself.