Saturday, December 20, 2008


There are so many contridictions
In all these messages we send
(we keep asking)
How do I get out of here
Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breakin
Its waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will
Learn to be still

Learn to be still

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


There are things that have to be done and you do them and you never talk about them.
You dont try to justify them. They cant be justified . You just do them.
And then u forget.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Justice for All?

When I was like 12 13 years, he used to visit us. Shaukat, uncle Shaukat. Lanky stature, weak eye sight, oily hair... He was a family friend but we didn't have such a high opinion of him. Actually not many had. Reason was his fierce temperament, irresponsibility towards his wife and children, and his unquenchable thirst to preach. Mysterious he was. We haven't heard from him in last 4 5 years and I have no idea where is he and how. But I still remember something he told my father way back then. I was just sitting next to him listening. At that time, that statement sound impressive but it’s just now that I can relate to it. Somewhat, I mean.

"Never ask God for justice. Never say 'Oh God! He is doing this wrong to me. Give me justice'. Never say that. Just ask for His mercy. Ask for his Reham. His justice is total and you don't know it might not be in your favor either".

How often in our lives we ask for justice? How many times we say... This matter and that matter should be brought to justice. Equality, impartiality, fairness from our minuscule perspectives. Its just when you look from totality, from a total perspective, you find that the standpoint you took all your life is itself continuously in motion. It’s only then you realize that through your lives, all you bloody asked for was unjustified justice, partial impartiality and unfair fairness.

Seldom have we understood this. And we yearn for justice and equality. We don't realize justice in a total sense can actually work against us. It has that potency. It can actually counter-act and reshape the entire life of the one who seeks it. Sometimes in some confrontations, we want justice to swing in our side. It something like you wear yellow, your enemy wears black and then you ask God to sway justice in favor of whose wearing whiter. You see... no one is.

Justice. Hmmmm.. Thousands of people gathered on the streets of Mumbai holding candles as fragile as their characters asking for peace, end to war and justice. But which justice? If they're talking about the justice in its totality then every day at least 100 people should be killed in metros like Mumbai and Karachi. Isn’t so? Justice should be such that for every blast that happens in FATA or Afghanistan or anywhere, a blast should happen in Mumbai too. What these Mumbaikars want is that they shouldn't be disturbed from watching their 3rd grade movies, eating pani purees and enjoying their so called booming democratic lives while others burn. This is their minuscule way of perceiving justice.

Africa in on a verge of famine. And we ask for justice when someone spills our coffee. 40% people live below dollar a day and we seek justice saying the CJ Chaudhry hasn't got salary for X number of months. Such tiny creatures we are. With such narrow view. And it gets narrower when the spotlight is on us. When we feel the heat. When we lose our religion. That's when it all happens. And happens with everyone. You me, both!

Indeed such insignificant creatures with no influence over the outcomes should never ask for justice. Ask for mercy, kindness, rahem. May be it suits our stature.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
1:38 AM

Monday, November 24, 2008

Ainu Pyaar Da Chaska Ay Saain... Te Ishq Hi Aidi Liya Sakve

Aite Maththey Taaj Mohabbat Da... Akkhaan Vich Nasha ...Ibaadat Da

Saturday, November 22, 2008


It’s not about explaining things in a different way. It’s about seeing them from angles that are sometimes overlooked, tabooed, forbidden or hidden. It’s about reflecting on them. But is that really a possibility? If something practically exists, it can’t be tabooed and if it’s meant to stay untouched unknown, why would that thing possibly exist? It’s not just about the war between structuralism and functionalism, understanding them and then glamorizing them with cold, unfelt and proper inflected words.

People around me often ask "Why do you love playing with words so much?" "Why in the world you have this obsession of defining everything so differently?” No. It’s not like that. Seldom they realize, I don’t explain things differently, I rather see them that way. And then I question. That’s so natural. And pretty rational in case you heed about logic too much. Try this. Wear an outfit, stand in front of a mirror, see you reflection in it. A minute, two minutes. And? And then you start reflecting. That reflection isn’t just about that image of yours or your pretty outfit. It’s something beyond that. Some questions pop up, "Am I looking good?" "Have I gone plump?” et cetera. Something sometimes very basic and illogical. You can’t avoid this whole process. Yes you can ignore and break that cycle in between but if it has to complete, it should be about observing, reflecting and reflecting again and this process goes on and on. This very thing can make you stand in front of that mirror for hours!

They say an apple fell on Newton and he gave the ultimate gravity to the world. They missed such a key point there. They didn’t recognize even Newton couldn’t avoid the cycle since he was a human too. What happened is: An apple fell on Newton's head [He is observing], he absorbed and analyzed what had actually happened and why [Reflecting]. And he didn’t stop there. He questioned it. Queried it. Inquired. That’s so Reflecting Again. I told ya, it gives a complex, tangled mass of questions but then it worth it, no? Reflections are bound to yield magnum opus.

Watching, observing, absorbing, reflecting, questioning, and questioning... This whole process… It’s such a beautiful prodigy no? I believe answers are inherent to God and questioning to us, humans. This should be encouraged while educating ourselves. It’s such a core point. Irrespective of the answers, right wrong whatever, questions should be raised. A question should transcend into another question and if it goes like this, you allow yourself to get close to God, you allow Him to do what He does the best. You allow Him to ANSWER.

*Smiles*I know I'm getting absurd and incomprehensible day by day. Full sympathies with all those who love and want to be with me, but you see, I just say what I see, what I feel. Being with me can get silly, impractical and coarsely uneven but it mustn’t be dull. I live in a world where nothing ends… everything just transcends.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008


Take me by the hand..

Take me somewhere new..

I dont know who you're

But I...

I'm with you

Sunday, November 02, 2008

A Proper Channel

Run a survey on blogger and you'll find a huge majority of green writers chanting or whining about their love affairs. You know what happens when you're overfilled with something and you can't express it out through a proper channel? You shit it away. Yes! It goes out that way. This is exactly what happens to us. We are loving but expression-less people. We love certain things but don't have any idea of how love or admiration can be shown. We love to watch theater but fail to switch off our consistently ringing cell phones. We love to be at exhibitions but fail to overlook art impostors. We love to talk but hate to listen, we love to eat but hate calories, we love to laugh but are constantly worried about our bad breath.

When you're overfilled with something and you can't express it out through a proper channel? You shit it away. Being expressionless has brought us to a point where a huge portion of ourselves is sprawling in shit. Our love is not just in the air, but its in our blood, in sweat and then in our shit too. All going wasted.

Loving should always be surrounded with expressions of appreciation and acceptance. Anything gone never comes back. Its important to express love. Switch off your phone and experience the magnanimity of art. Appreciate its beauty. Art can have an engrossing capacity. It can actually make you lose the sense of time. Experience it!

Express love by just listening what they have to say. Tonight, eat those oily prathas and chicken malai which you love so much. And do hell with calories. Go on! Laugh your lungs out. Raise your hands and dance all night. Don't worry about the odors. They are just the other way to express that you are for real.

When you're overfilled with something and you can't express it out through a proper channel? You shit it away. Give your love a proper channel. Shed inhibitions and express. Blunt.

Or it will all end in shit...

Sunday, November 2nd. 2008
5:32 PM

Saturday, November 01, 2008

You got to play - Revisited

Islam prohibits gambling. Actually, it prohibits a lot of things. I follow Islam as long as it doesn't hinder my expedition for adventure and allows me to chase my imaginations. Well, illusions most of the time. Now taking in no account of what impressionists and pseudo-intellectuals might say about this, I must say the Islam I follow encourages the search, the logic, and the adventure. Yes, alright but does it allow gambling? Well encouraging is another thing but it certainly doesn't prohibit. Not just gambling but anything. It believes in something like "Go check it out your self!!"...

Gambling can be like living. In gambling, there is just one action leading to a series of repercussions and aftermaths. You might play well, you might not. You might win, you might not! Whether it is lusciously kissing diva or scrupulously hitting security, everything lasts for some tiny edges of time. It’s so ironically amazing. When you are gaming and you have put everything on stake, the wheel stops in just few seconds deciding everything that is going to happen next. The action which segregates and then eliminates the losers from the winners is extremely short-lived and yet incredibly precise. It seems that as the gamblers bet for their lives, the wheel just keeps on playing a much safer game. “Pick The Odd One Out!” I constantly feel that we are gambling with life itself on stake. Choosing career, choosing mate, crossing road, riding bike, there are no tallies how many times in our lives we actually game. Yes, we might be meticulous of the action but just like gambling, the deciding action is very short lived and we are completely unaware of what is coming next. But we play, don’t we? And surely somewhere, somebody is playing that safer game… pick the odd one out!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Hmmmm.. Yeah!

I just want you to know who I'm...

I just want YOU to know who I'm...

I just want you to know WHO I'M...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Cold playing sohawa!

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain

Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world

October 15th 6:25 PM, Peer Sohawa, Islamabad
Viva La Vida... all the way!

Friday, September 26, 2008


I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all "Yellow",

I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all...
Coldplay- Yellow

Thursday, September 25, 2008

You're allowed

He was all dressed up and I, in casuals. He was smoking and I, I was just watching those puffs rolling and thawing between us.

"You know this place is so quiet"

"Quiet? What?... man this place is damn earsplitting! Yeh chutiyeh apni bak bak band hi nahin kartey"

"Freedom of Expression bari behanchod cheez hai bhai"

"Hahaha! Haan par Expression of Freedom ka kiya?"

"Expression of Freedom?? Hain?"

"Abay saala light chaley gayi"


If I ask a question, its not necessary that you come up with a relevant answer. Expression of Freedom should allow you to say anything. If my girlfriend decides to sleep with someone outside my knowledge, freedom allows her to do so. Can I stop her? Can I blame? If a group of vandals decide to beat the hell out of me, what can I do? I can't stop them! Expression of Freedom should allow them to beat me. If a sparrow shits on me, all I can do is swab it off. If a dog bites me, I can just take off my shirt to get those 14 something injections. If a baby decides to pee on me, I can't clutch his smallish dick and stop him from doing so. Its his freedom and you know its 'innocently wet and warm'. If people laugh at me, they should be allowed to laugh, if they cry, no one should try to console them. If someone wants to, he can dance at my funeral and should be fully allowed to do so.

Freedom is such a dangerous expression. Its inherent but rare. One has to surpass junctions like Act, React, Accept and Neglect to reach it. And one has complete freedom to decide where does he fall.

Friday, September 26th,2008
1:25 AM

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Allah Ke Bandey Hanss Dey..
Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega...

One of the most inspirational pictures I've seen in a long, long time.

Thrusday, 11th September,2008
1:59 AM

Monday, September 08, 2008

As Winners

You want to win, don't you?

Competitions all around offer three closely related but immensely original choices. You win it, you lose it or you survive. When you lose it you don't really have the choice, but if you choose to lose, then the competition isn't for you. Even survival is such a negative word. I believe its just another form of losing. Why should someone with survival in his mind enter the game? And spoil it. If one merely wants to hang, hang out somewhere else. Competition is for the leaders. For those who want to win.

Losers and survivors can't take anything away from the winners. Winners are decided way before the game. And regardless of the result, they stay as winners. Winning is an attitude. A way of living. Winners evolve from burning heat of their desires. From the relentlessness of their thoughts. From turbulence of their manners. From passion, from madness, from longing, from yearning.

Winners are beyond competition. They compete with themselves. They are the one to lead. They are The Face of the Future.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Police

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take

I'll be watching you...

Monday, August 18, 2008

Pimp-istan Meri Jaan!!

It's time to celebrate. A military dictator resigns from his office. The "Pimp-istan" sighs in relief. And why shouldn't? It shall now go back to where it belongs, the most. The Pimps.

It's a brothel really. A Khota. Bhuttos, Sharrifs, Khans, Maulanas, Chaudharys.. So many customers. The high-profile ones! MQMs are on the roof. Arranging lights. They are good at it you know... Aitazaz Hassan has been assigned Tablas since his position is still precarious. Kamran Khan and Hamid Mir are the Darbaans out there. " Ji naazrein.. Ji naazrein.." But wait a minute! Where are their pants? Did they leave them at that Khota just beside the Mohatta Palace in Karachi? At their favorite Cherry Rehman's? May be we should call and ask The Original Shiekh about it.

"Nach meri bulbul tujhey paisa miley gaaa"..... And the lawyers are dancing. What co-ordination. What spirit. What "Josh"... How cleverly and 'professionally' they hid their colorful ghaghras and cholis. The black coat didn't show anything at all.

"Abhi tou mehfil jawaan hai Zardari Sahab... Kahan chal diye aap??"

"Kyon naa ho Shariff Bhai.. Bhutto ka naam jo Zinda hai... Mein zara kamrey se aaya.. Cherry intezar kar rahi hogi"

"Likin Cherry tou Karachi mein haina?"

"Galat!! Azaad Riyasaton mein Cherries tou har jagah milti hain!!"

"Hahahaha! Jiye Democracy!"


And what about us commoners? It doesn't sound comfortable no? Commoners? Lets not worry.. some way or the other, we all qualify for the prestigious honor.. "The Nishaan-e-Pimp". A hardened, bulging, full to burst.

Democracy is not in our blood. We simply don't know about it. We, as a nation [questionable!] and as individuals are inherent to dictators. Since always we have lived like this. Under a Danda Rule. Right from our birth. Moulvis, Parents, Teachers, Spouses, In-laws, Politicians, Bosses....


Personally, I like Musharraf. But I don't support him. And I don't care.

People distributing sweets, friends calling, texting 'Congratulations', "Balley Balley"... Discussing politics... Guessing the next president, Guessing fate of Musharraf... This all is very DEPRESSING! I don't want to discuss this anymore. I don't find a reason to celebrate. Dictator is gone but I'm expecting no one else than a bloody pimp. And you know that too.

My last post was a birthday wish, but I'm sorry... I'm dejected... And

I accept. I belong to the Pimp-istan. I'm the one.

Monday, August 18, 2008
5:48 PM [Resignation Day]

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Happy Birthday!

Photographer: Amir Mukhtar

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Let me tell you this..

Its time for some confessions. Even though I have a slightly different way of perceiving women and I've written alot about it already, I still can't change the fact that 'm a 21 year old guy and like any other, I do get attracted to girls. Now how I watch, what I find attractive, what I think about is another story but if you talk about the bottom line then yes! I should confess 'm like anyone else.

Just a couple of days back, I was having food at some elite Italian restaurant on Zamzama with some friends. The food was okay and the ambiance.. okaaaaaayyyyy!! It was all boys and like any other day, we were busy discussing things you might guess [you do?]. Suddenly, I don't know may be my [boyish] reflexes, I just glanced at the person who had just entered in. It was meant to be just a quick glance but then.. well.. for next 20 25 minutes I glanced, gazed, gawked, stared, and what not!! But I swear I didn't drool. Did I? :s

She was indeed very pretty. Sporting a classy black kurti and sexy pair of denims, she just walked passed us and sat exactly where I wanted her to. Wow! I thought.

She must be of my age that is 21 22 since she had a refreshingly glowing face. Her hair, exactly the way I want. Not too long and all tied up. Yes!! I like them this way since this exposes the neck part of a feminine body. And that feminine delicacy is my biggest "turn on". Strange? :s A very fine gold chain matched perfectly.

I won't deny. She had a beautifully framed body. And lets not get into those details... [Guys can always contact me later].

Even though I was completely enchanted by her physical beauty, I did make a conscious effort to observe her ways as well. Elegant mannerism is another big turn on mind you! Even in this area, she hit a six or should I say, completely bowled me out? :S

I don't know if I will ever see her again. But, I must say, her beauty was inspiring. Not just attractive, but soothingly fresh as well.

Friday, August 1, 2008
3:32 AM

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Its Me Again...

Last night, I had actually nothing to do. Since last few weeks, my days have been much busier. Juggling multiple projects at the same time isn't that difficult as it might seem but yes, it can get lengthy. No complaining since its a choice I have made for myself. None of the projects have been given by someone else.

Friends often wonder why I've started to work so much more. Some even ask what do I actually want out of all this? Success, money, fame, PR ... Yes! They are all on the list but they aren't the reason. Reason that moves and convinces me to take more and more work coming my way.

I find peace while working. I find a way to escape from things I don't want anymore. It moves me forward. From thinking about my past and everything associated with it. Things, places and people... It helps me to stay away from lives of people I love... and my own life too!


Last night, I wandered alone in rain for hours, experiencing the connection of my soul with nature. After so many days, I finally met myself.

And? Realizations....

I don't care for love anymore. Now, living without friends is easy. Hurting someone is easier. Accepting things as they are ... Easiest.

I realized I've grown up. I've successfully purged myself from almost all of my emotional needs.

I now really feel, I can achieve success big time!! A numb corporate giant may be :)

Few months back, was forced to move on... to accept things as they are!

That has changed me.

Don't want to let it lay me down this time
Drown my will to fly
Here in the darkness I know myself
Can't break free until I let it go
Let me go

Thursday, 31st July, 2008

1:59 AM

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Kaash key sochein na samjhein...

Pyaar na badley...

Human intellect can never match the intensity of a soul. And the intensity our emotions generate. Relating emotions with intellect is like a commander asking his soldier to comment on the war strategy. Intellect is powerful but is inherent to follow. Einstein, Alexander, Jinnah, Beethoven, Bill Gates, Nelson Mandela, Castro, Rajneesh, Salman Rushdie... Regardless of when they lived and what they did or do, their emotions drove them! Lust, power, love, anger, frustration... Emotions aren't just pleasant no?

When you let your emotions, your passions to drive you, you can talk to the very same person every night. You can work 18 hours a day. You can lend huge sums to people you don't even know. You can take far more risks. You can enjoy so much more. You can love and can be loved so much more.

As soon as logic, rationalism and mind intervenes, things change. Intensities go down, passions lost.

Don't let your mind change you. Live for something you desire. Flow faster than the speed of your thoughts. You might get hurt in the process but then, hurt itself is a emotion worth feeling!

Friday, July 25th, 2008
3:05 AM

Thursday, July 17, 2008

S and C

My father has countless friends. Friends of his age, older and some even young. Some of them are hardcore capitalists. Original in their core, they lust for money and don't shy away from discussing it with their helpless sons who [how foolishly] still consider things like morality, love and literature. Perhaps their papas know this immaturity won't last long.

And then there are socialists. Equality, Justice, Peace.. Blah Blah Blah! The truth is, most of them are actually botched capitalists. Failed! People wearing blanket over their heads, hiding rags they have on their bodies. They are bruised, cuts all over but no blood. They can feel a lot but with such a numb body, they can't do anything. Anything about anything. And of course they fear. They fear because they are half naked. Removing that socialism, justice, equality blanket might reveal who they actually are.

Friday, July 04, 2008


Only once in a while, comes a movie which actually makes you sit down and think. Not only it keeps you glued to the screen during its run-time but even when its over, it keeps on flashing in your mind. Only something soulful and original can have such kind of impact.

Aamir, indeed is a fantastic movie. Its extremely real in its core. A classic onscreen reflection of the mind boggling, hard hitting and ever changing lives we live. The execution of the plot is so spot on that the situations keep on unfolding and you don't even realize when it reaches its finale. The protagonist is not an alien or an NRI [Like Yashraj or Karan Johar Movies] coming to the world we live in and you can easily identify with him. Supporting characters are exceptionally real and look familiar as well.

Rajeev Khandelwal is sensational! I 've never seen his TV serials but surely he makes his mark big time on the big screen. He gets into the skin of his character deftly and comes out victorious. The way he delivers his dialogues and emotes with his eyes stamps on the fact that he knows his craft well and is one to watch out for in days to come.

Special mention to the background score!

All in all, Aamir is a remarkable movie. The climax left me static and speechless. But a must-see if you ask me!

Rating: 8.5/10

Monday, June 30, 2008

Frustrations I try to avoid...

Hazaaron Khwaahishen Aisi...

So many people. So many desires.. So many expectations. With so much around, one gets disturbed, obviously. But suffocation is also common if you are living in a 'Pak Watan' (Pure Country) like ours. Pak Watan overly crowded. And crowded with what? Shitty people.. shitty desires... shitty expectations!!

Lawyers seek justice. And so do those pimps [Is he gone to Dubai? Or London may be]. The Chief Justice hasn't been to the toilet since November 3. Once he gets reinstated, he will certainly visit that safe place. And so will the others. And then my friend, there is going to be peace, prosperity and justice... Too many shitty people, too many shitty desires.. too many shitty expectations..

Pakistani Youth going western, obviously in an attempt to embarrass the west . Girls wearing body hugging rags.. desperate for an English accent... having no clue what are they are talking about... and guess what!? These girls have fans... Many shitty people, many shitty desires.. and? expectations..

People talking about mobiles, people talking about fashion, people talking about sports, people talking about politics, people talking about bodies.. and breasts and legs and shirts.. and jeans and STOP!!! Please stop. I need to go and check out that dust bin over there... Its looks full. But with so much shit around me already, I don't know whats in there.. Let me check it..

Ohhh.. Oh My Lord...

That's music! and That's Art... OH those are our ethics... and... And there is the bag full of ideas there!!! And I found those emotions.. they seem rotten but better than shit no? whats that? Ohh.. that's a book of Sartare..

There is so much for me in here... Its too much to carry home, specially with these responsibility sicken, haggard shoulders..

So my dear friends, if you don't find me anywhere, you now know where to search... You might call it anything, but I don't care.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008
2:13 AM

Friday, June 27, 2008

What About?

Doubts, confusions, uncertainties.. are so important. They let you to explore so much more. When you are not satisfied with what you have, you are living. Westerners find peace in meditation.. our people from East love to relax the Zeppelin way!! West is tired of west and is in doubts. East has its own confusions and is wandering. But no one actually gets anything substantial in the end. Substantial, if one sees where he stands, what he gets. But what about the experience?

I consulted a palmist few months back. Not because I really believe in palmistry but merely because she was pretty. Exploration. Search. Uncertainty. This is what she read. She predicted my life to swing between things. Predicted high chances of me being into gambling. Predicted multiple affairs. Predicted life threatening accident-s. Predicted restlessness, all through.

I accept it. Restless is who I'm. But I feel that a woman's love can calm me down. I really feel this way. I've always been amazed by the way a woman can love. The intensity only a woman can generate should nullify all my uncertainties and allow me to stand still. Even for some vacant moments.

Saturday, June 28th, 2008
1:48 AM

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Lose Control, Get Life...

A tribute to the Spirit of Friendship. A dedication to my
best friend 'Naushad'. He is the ONE. The Friend. The Guide. The Savior...

Monday, 13th June, 2008
1:14 AM

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Pink Lives Forever...

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone elses words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but
I took a heavenly ride through one silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun
Coming Back To Life-Pink Floyd

Monday, June 09, 2008

The substance of fire

Synopsis: An adaptation of Jon Robin Baitz's popular stage play. Rigid, domineering publishing magnate Isaac Geldhart has never been much of a father to his three children. A final showdown occurs when he refuses to publish a hot book written by his son's male lover. In retaliation, the siblings buy out their father's failing company and run it themselves, successfully. Isaac then breaks all ties to his children and starts his own rival business -- which falters. On the brink of professional and personal failure, Isaac begins a downward spiral, from which he may never recover.

"This movie might turn out as one of those 'boring' movies to the mass. But it isnt really like this. Yes, it isn't engrossing and is slow paced, I really can't term it as 'boring'. One of the key flaws that restrained this movie from being a great-watch is, that the characters were not as developed as they should have. I think that movies such as this one, need to be very polished in defining its characters as distnictive individuals. I think mainly because of this reason, The Substance of Fire didn't hit that sensitive note as much as it should have. Of course, some of the scenes were brilliant."

Rating: 6/10 - It's okay

Tuesday, June 03, 2008


What is the difference between a sophisticated, cultured and urbane coffee shop and a crude road side dhaba? Of course, differences are many. Differences in quality, differences in hygiene, differences in gentry, differences in prices and so on. Not just in this case, generally when you start counting differences between entities, you really don't have to ponder much. You ask for one and you get many. Its that easy.

And what if its about finding something in common? Something identical? Well, its much easier than finding differences, once you narrow down your search on it and allow yourself to ignore or disregard the mass of differences around. At least for a time being. Imagine a single white ball in a bunch of blacks. Which one is easier to find? Black one or the white one? Something in abundance or something in scarcity?

But do our differences outnumber our similarities?? Well, thats another story.

Getting back, I think that no matter how many aspects set the two apart, there are somethings very common between them. Between coffee shops and dhabas I mean. Common but very basic as well. "Purpose". Irrespective of the cup in which coffee or tea is served, it is served and drunken for one common and basic purpose. Similarly, regardless of the material used, the seating too has one common purpose behind. To provide comfort. Now, it isn't at all necessary that every cup of coffee and every chair satisfy the customer same way as it might not! The coffee at the dhaba might not be as rich or the chair might not be as comfortable, BUT! The very purpose stays same. Even if its a veteran coffee maker or a pathan at some dhabba or anyone, no one and really no one makes coffee for a purpose other than this. That is, to please the drinker [Exceptions are Hindi movie's villans who have a different purpose of making coffee, altogether!]. The purpose is satisfaction, comfort, delight. So would be with the chair makers. The same purpose is defined and basic in its core.

In the midst of all these disparities, if one focuses on the basic purpose, things get much simpler. You go to coffee shop or dhabaa to drink, to talk, to socialize or whatever... purpose should be the same. Your own satisfaction. Your own comfort. And when you learn to achieve it, differences won't matter anymore.

Wednesday, 4th June, 2008
2:53 AM

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

glass walls

Calls have gone so cheap. Talk at RS. 2.5/hour!! So many social communities available on the internet. Orkut, Facebook, Myspace... The virtual world enables you to see who is at the farther end and gives you a chance to interact. But does it in anyway lessen the distance between us? Does it in anyway melt those glass walls that surround us? Glass walls.. you can see who is at the other side, you can animate, but what about something bigger? Is it really necessary to melt those walls? This virtual world is certainly lengthening the list of our acquaintances but what about something bigger? What about knowing and more importantly understanding people? Is it important to understand people?

And what about melting those glass walls?


Monday, May 19, 2008

Good Morning!

Its 5:49 AM. And I'm still here. Actually I'm all over the place right now. Not much tired but yes its a fact that I've been studying continuously since last night. Its something that I'm enjoying... YES!! And when enjoying, there aren't any limits. Some might call it crazy but I do like to stretch myself and see how far I can go. Not particularly studious though!

Its such a good morning. Pure. Fresh. Quiet. Ohh.. I can hear that cuckoo bird... I 'll surely inquire amma about mangoes, today.

I think I must get back to work now. I still have a couple of hours before I leave for the university. I'm a little hungry right now. For food and for good music. Well, I've just played a song but I guess I'll have to wait some more time for some food. Amma is sleeping :)

20th May, 2007
6:04 AM

Monday, May 12, 2008

"I'm a superstitious man , and if some unlucky accident should befall Michael, if he is to be shot in the head by a police officer, or be found hung dead in a jail cell... or to be struck by a bolt of lightning, then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room, and then I do not forgive. But with said, I pledge, on the souls of my grandchildren, that I will not be the one to break the peace that we have made today."

-The Godfather

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

"When two brothers organize the robbery of their parents' jewelery store the job goes horribly wrong, triggering a series of events that sends them, their father and one brother's wife hurtling towards a shattering climax."

Outstanding movie!! Flawless direction and superb performances. It explores dysfunctions of relationships, futility of human soul and insanity of a crime stricken mind, all at the same time. A crime thriller with a class!!

Rating: 8/10 - Strongly Recommended!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Major "GENERAL" Nothing!!

I'm not really someone who loves to simplify. Nor do I believe in generalizations. I think that generalities survive merely in science books and the real world is far too slippery for the generals and ideals to stand. But sometimes, coming across the same things and people every other day, the desire to explore everything distinctively blurs away. Even though its for a very short time, I do get expecting and identifying the same attributes in everyone. And I think its happens with everyone of us. Facing the same thing 10 times, you are bound to foresee it coming again. You might wish for something different but you will expect the same!

I'm happy that these simplifications and generalizations don't lasts long. At least in my life. No matter how monotonous that whining and giggling might get, I feel I still have that much desire, that much energy to listen to them and isolate at least one note that really makes the difference. A note that defines individualism.

Tuesday, 08 May, 2008
1:53 AM

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

You got to play!

Islam prohibits gambling. Actually, it prohibits a lot of things. I follow Islam as long as it doesn't hinder my expedition for adventure and allows me to chase my imaginations. Well, illusions most of the time. Now taking in no account of what impressionists and pseudo-intellectuals might say about this, I must say the Islam I follow encourages the search, the logic, and the adventure. Yes, all right but does it allow gambling? Well encouraging is another thing but it certainly doesn't prohibit. Not just gambling but anything. It believes in something like "Go check it out your self!!"...

Gambling can be like living. In gambling, there is just one action leading to a series of repercussions and aftermaths. You might play well, you might not. You might win, you might not! Whether it is lusciously kissing diva or scrupulously hitting security, everything lasts for some tiny edges of time. It’s so ironically amazing. When you are gaming and you have put everything on stake, the wheel stops in just few seconds deciding everything that is going to happen next. The action which segregates and then eliminates the losers from the winners is extremely short-lived and yet incredibly precise. It seems that as the gamblers bet for their lives, the wheel just keeps on playing a much safer game. “Pick The Odd One Out!” I constantly feel that we are gambling with life itself on stake. Choosing career, choosing mate, crossing road, riding bike, there are no tallies how many times in our lives we actually game. Yes, we might be meticulous of the action but just like gambling, the deciding action is very short lived and we are completely unaware of what is coming next. But we play, don’t we? And surely somewhere, somebody is playing that safer game… pick the odd one out!!

Thrusday, May 1st, 2008
1:35 AM

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

the nausea

The Nausea has given me a short breathing spell. But I know it will come back again: it is my normal state. Only today my body is too exhausted to stand it. Invalids also have happy moments of weakness which take away the consciousness of their illness for a few hours. I am bored, that's all. From time to time I yawn so widely that tears roll down my cheek. It is a profound boredom,profound, the profound heart of existence, the very matter I am made of. I do not neglect myself, quite the contrary: this morning I took a bath and shaved. Only when I think back over those careful little actions, I cannot understand how I was able to make them: they are so vain. Habit, no doubt, made them for me. They aren't dead, they keep on busying themselves, gently, insidiously weaving their webs, they wash me, dry me, dress me, like nurses. Did they also lead me to this hill? I can't remember how I came any more. Probably up the Escalier Dautry: did I really climb up its hundred and ten steps one by one? What is perhaps more difficult to imagine is that I am soon going to climb down again. Yet I know I am: in a moment I shall find myself at the bottom of the Coteau Vert, if I raise my head, see in the distance the lighting windows of these houses which are so close now. In the distance. Above my head; above my head; and this instant which I cannot leave, which locks me in andlimits me on every side, this instant I am made of will be no more than a confused dream.

Nausea- Jean Paul Sartare

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Mastt Raam!

The Self-Educated are marked by stubborn peculiarities.

Isaac Disraeli

I started off as a model and struggled for some time until I got a break as an actress. I was too stubborn to let go and was sure I was in the right place at the right time. I just fought and I think that's how I am where I am today.

Natasha Henstridge

Chahey koi khush ho,
Chahey galiyan hazaar dey...
Mast Raam ban key,
Zindagi ke din... Guzaar dey!!!!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

27th April!

I'm in this city for roughly around a month more. All has been completed today. Visas, accomodation details and other many stuff. I don't know why m I writing this here. May be because my blog has seen some very strange times with me. Sometimes I was happy. Sometimes I wasn't. Sometimes I was angry.. sometimes I was numb. And today when I've got this news, I'm sharing it with this before sharing it with anyone else [Apart from family, ofcourse]. Should I be happy about it? Going to study abroad, living on my own, the way I want.. has always been my dream... but leaving this city behind, all my friends behind.. family behind.. I don't know but I can't feel happy enough. May be this will get right with time.

This is my place. This city. And I will be away from it for like some 2 odd years... will I be able to manage everything on my own? Will the weather suit me? I will miss my family.. my mom in particular. But lemme not get into it from now.. it's like still a month to go!!

There is something that is not letting me be. Somehow my past is not giving me a chance to live my tomorrow. And believe me.. no matter how mad you might call me, I sometimes wish to go back to my past. Those feelings still remain unmatched.

But apart from this confusing personal stuff, I have some very vivid career goals to pursue there. Studies alongwith work isn't going to be easy but I feel excited about it. I want to work 18 hours a day or more than that and make the most out of this oppurtunity. Yes! It will be like this.

From today, I start that count. I have so many things to tell.. but it's like ... you know me, no.

Friday, March 21, 2008

"your" self

“The way people generally live today, have no self. They live within others. In what act or thought of his has there ever been a self? What was his aim in life?

Greatness – in other people’s eyes. Fame, admiration, envy – all that which comes from others. Others dictated his convictions, which he did not hold, but he was satisfied that others believed he held them. Others were his motive power and his prime concern. He didn’t want to be great, but to be though great. He didn’t want to build, but to be admired as a builder. He borrowed from others in order to make an impression on others. There’s your actual selflessness. It is his ego he has betrayed and given up. But everybody calls him selfish.”
Ayn Rand - Fountainhead

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

constant change...

Since ever, reading has been one of my most beloved hobbies. Something that comes naturally to me. Though the inconsistency of my taste and my wavering nature is well exhibited from the way I select a book to read, one particular genre was successful [till sometime back] in arresting a meaty portion of my time. "Self Help and Inspirationals". Yes! I have quite a few of them at my home. Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale, Og Mandino, Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, Anthony Robbins, Robin Sharma, Napoleon Hill, Stephen Covey etc etc.. And the list never ends. My brother has this odd habit of collecting self help books and I, the very reader, continued to read them. And read again. Some tried to teach me how to find love, some tried to signify shortcuts to fame and fortune and some tried to make me a better human. I don't know how much they all succeeded but one thing is for sure, reading all these self help books over the years, I have finally decided one thing. That I 'm NOT going to read them anymore. Atleast for sometime. I think I don't need so much of help.

But I guess this happens with every one of us. Sometimes we just start feeling over filled. We might not know but we yearn to feel a bit empty. Sometimes we suddenly get to know that we know so much. Sometimes, our haggard minds desire for something new. Little bit immaturity. Little bit of childishness. Sometimes getting 100/100 isn't satisfying, as it doesn't offer any challenges or targets to achieve then.

I've observed something salient about us beings. That we, unlike every other creation in the universe, get tired of things. We actually dwell nowhere and are in constant state of search. Search for the subsequent. That search might not necessarily be for prosperity or betterment. It might be destructive and disparaging. We are self ignorant to the fact that changes can swing both ways. From better to worse. From worse to better. But who cares. What a 'typical' human soul wants is a Change. [And the word typical excludes saints and Sufis].

I think this is why anything in abundance just doesn't work for us. Infact, it starts to work against us. Start walking on The Right Path. Be true and speak the truth. One day, Even if you don't ask for a change, you might get weary about The truth, The Angels and The Heavens... Lie, lie, lie... and one day, there is a bright chance that you might start seeking "The Righteous Path". I wouldn't call it a God's blessing on that lier but to me, it is the same need. The Search for the subsequent. The quest that keeps us mortals tangling around two extremes. We leave "Black" in search for something brighter... but even "White" doesn't satisfy us. May be this is why; most of us spend huge portions of our lives traveling and roving in those "Gray" areas.

I believe science can re-create everything. It can make everything seem understandable and logical. But this strange expedition of us mortals is and should always stay as a delicate knot. Who knows, undoing it might change everything...

Wednesday, March 19,2008
1:34 AM

Saturday, March 15, 2008


Sometimes you find life. Unexpected. Life is synonymous to fun, when with friends!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Watching People...

"Why the hell are you staring at me like this? ghar pe maa behan nahin hai kiya?" These words suddenly rang through my mind and I immediately moved my eyes away from her face. No, I think she didnt notice me watching her but someone else might have... and how disgracful that might seem to him.

Watching people isn't bad. We all do it. It's not crime. And the article 252B of the constitution promises this fundamental right to every citizen of Pakistan. "Dekh magar pyaar se!" Yeah! This is precisely whats written in there. And what a relief it is! Certainly, watching people is the biggest source of entertainment for us. That also without tax and age limits. We love it, don't we?

But what do we actually look at? Face? yeah.. body? yeah... and let me just not get in detail about this. And what else? clothes? expressions? jewellery? Hmmmmm.....

I personally love watching people. Women in particular. For reasons not many would comprehend. Or may be they will. In anycase, I don't want anyone to interfere. You can join me but never ask where are we heading.. thats the fun part!! Hundreds of faces go through my eyes and believe me I watch each one of them. I look for the beauty, that feminine charm, those features.. I don't stop myself from moving forward. Reason? Well, Being an optmist, I always believe that something better is yet to come!

But every now and then, just yunhi, all of a sudden, I see my imaginations around me. In people. As people. Someone's way of talking. Someone's smile. Someone's body. Someone's scent. Someone's face. Someone's presence. These people give me sensations. My most cherished inspirations.

Every day of my life, I'm prepared to stop. Take sometime out and watch them. And absorb.

Monday, February 11, 2008


Time spent with friends defines Life! Pranks, debates, teas, BBQs, style, music, dance, smoke, laugh, laugh, laugh. Here, the fun never stops!

Nothing can be compared to it! Nothing.

22nd Decemeber, 2007. 2nd day of Eid!
Time: 4:30 AM
Venue: Jahangir terrace!

Sunday, February 10, 2008


Sunday nights! They have a funny name no? "Sun-Day-Nights"? I think saturday nights are far sunnier than sunday nights. Sunday nights do have sun in their name, but then "Naam mei kia rakha hai"! They are all too gloomy, lethargic and quiet. Quietness prior storm. Night prior Monday. Well not exactly are they quiet, but putting the feel of them in words is a tricky job to do. Scheduling stuff, ironing clothes, completing assignments, family get togethers... ahhhh! In a normal Sunday Night , the day is to sleep and the night is to get things ready! *yawnss*


"baby baby yes MamAaa! eating Shuugar no maMaa.. Open ur mouth Hahaha"!!!


" a for apple.. b for ball.. c for cat... d for??? doggyyyy...."

This is all I keep on listening throughout the day. Well..! My 2 year old nephew takes amazing pride in teaching me , "Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sunday"!!

Wow! Such a week is soooooooooooooo desirable! just have a second look at it. 5 days a week plus 2 sundays!!! And two sun-day-nights! And being a Pakistani, I 've the ultimate privilege of enjoying a "half day" on fridays! so its like 2.5 days working and 2.5 days off!! Ultimate...!

Let us all sing that old 'feel good' song "Bachey maan ke sachey....."


If life is a week long, I wish to die before sunday morning!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Being Beautiful...

I kept on staring at this picture for very long. Trying to comprehend which emotion or emotions does this picture exactly portray? Desire or Anger? Seclusion or Seduction?... Self defense or Self detestation? What is she exactly yearning for? Love? Lust? Sex? Salvation? Escape?

No. Words can not simplify her.

She is indeed extremely beautiful. And this picture is certainly one of the finest I've seen in some time. The multitude of emotion, the UN-identified sensation do exemplify my concept of beauty to an extent. Beauty [to me] is dimension less. It doesn't mean it has nothing to say, but it says so much, it has so many distinctive yet complementing dimensions that it produces a sensation that talks with the purity. That motion less purity mesmerizes and takes you the the point from where every emotion stretches it's delicate arms and embraces the seeker. Amazing it is. We so easily keep on missing that point all our lives.

Beauty is not about color. It's not about how you look. It's doesn't care about how "in-shape" you are or how well dressed. But beauty in it's truest lies in the bluntness of emotions. In the roughness of expression. It exists in the sensations. Not just in face, but it resides in every movement of your existence. Every part of your body, every thought of your mind, every feel of your heart produces a vibe. Something that is worth feeling. Something that is beautiful. Something that is magical.

I want to find that beauty in every mortal I meet. I want to feel that bluntness. That rawness. And the day when someone would find beauty in me, well... I'd take that someone to coffee!! :)
Monday, January 21, 2008
1:13 AM

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Is writing my hobby?

Being a person who loves to observe and absorb, it's difficult to restrain the self from expression. So here I am. But I still maintain on what I decided few days ago. From now on, I won't be writing anything about my life or certain emotional leakages. No more blog soaking. But nevertheless, the chases and observations are going to be mine. The 'Chasing' continues... Probably, for people like me, there is just no end to the quest. The search. The Chase. But I'm happy. Since I know it's me.