Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Rumi, Jinnah and Nobody

A lot of things coming to my mind tonight, as I begin to write my second post in nearly five months. Yeah been quiet I know, but tonight its like home coming. Bits and pieces all gelling together entailing no effort from my side. It happens you know, when things appearing from different dimensions begin to harmonize each other. Defining each other. Completing each other at crucial junctures. It's worth exploring; the synchronization that resides within us is the synchronization that surrounds us as well. This sense of balance is undoubtedly what makes our world so beautiful. Each fragment, in right proportion. A masterpiece.

While reading Maulana Rumi today, I came to understand something about Mr. Jinnah. Something inherently important about this enigmatic man. Something that had puzzled me since I started to read about him. About his personal life beyond being the Quaid. And his relationship with Ruttie his wife, and Dina.

Tonight as my city burns, I'm here with these two gentlemen, complementing each other so beautifully.

I m not disentangling/entangling any further. At least tonight.

And yeah, Welcome back Noor!! (:

Monday, November 09, 2009




Monday, November 02, 2009


Hone, hone dey nashaa..

Khone, Khoney ko hai kiyaa...

Saturday, October 31, 2009


A lil over 2 months of complete absence, and am finally back here. An aloof, unintended departure, leaving probably no one waiting. Just around 114 published posts over 3 years isn't very heartening I know but what to do. I can't afford words every night. It isn't that I don't love it anymore. Nope, I still believe its one way to revitalize my existence, a proper formal linear pattern where I can entertain all those sexy myths and philosophies.

But there is one thing. Something. You know.. am growing. Just like you.

Khair, a major transition expected in next 2 months. Gearing up for it.


Physically, Spiritually, Emotionally, Mentally, Metaphysically, Metaphorically... Any...

Are you with me?


Do you think I care?

Image: Healzo - Devianart

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Pump IT!

183cm, 158lbs... that's my physical worth. Yeah yeah, you can go on tallying those uncongenial elements and glorify imprecision. Yes you can really do that. Somehow with time, I have developed [perhaps intentionally] this very proclivity for criticism. It's an interesting phenomenon and it keeps people busy. Just a close look to understand that unpredictable actions would generate unpredictable reactions, often volatile. Sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't. But almost every time they have something to say. Its a hobby and I find it exciting to hear what people say. I love to draw a line on the canvas and let others sketch around it. Now this is one BIG idea... one would not get shattered or demoralized by UN-called criticism if he gets this. It's about the line, not about the being who drew it.

I find it quite amusing. Time and time again, I deliberately do things that would provoke them and aggravate their cravings for criticism. Time and time again, I draw something basic over a blank page and move ahead... leaving those saintly pseudos and minnows busy.

Anyone can do it. You just got to be strong, and bouncing and funny. By choice. Its shining everywhere!

Image: nocturnalMOTH - Deviantart

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dhan Ta Nan

Revolutionists, capitalists, socialists, 14th August nationalists... fans of Zaid Hamid, Zakir Naik and Beyonce... Hajis and moulvis and percussionists... Strippers of Madonna and guardians of Sakeena.. Jeans with light kurta and heels in tight burqa... Lesser humans, greater angels... Whiter blacks and blacker whites...

I think I've said too much... but haven't said it all.


Urdu is my national language, English is the official. Provincially, I'm Sindhi and religiously I'm an Arab. My mother comes from a Bengali-Urdu background and my father speaks Gujarati. I'm learning French and sometimes like to watch Hindi movies...

Sounds Wow?

Tell me, isn't it a shame that I don't have command even over ONE of these languages?


We are good people, I don't question this. And I agree that culture is a blend of so many dimensions... but aisa bhi kiya!


I believe, what we take... doesn't shape our destiny,

What we leave...


Friday, July 31, 2009

Nature and the Answers!

Islamabad- Murree - 2008

Thursday, July 30, 2009


You're different. She isn't like you. You're a bloody selfish voyeur and she, she collects pebbles. At the beach. Her salvation lies somewhere around that mark by end of the road. And she knows. What about you? Does your singularity give space to that thought? A notion of your deliverance, your mukti?

Monday, July 27, 2009


"My dear master, explain red to somebody who has never known RED."

"If we touched it with the tip of a finger, it would feel like something between iron and copper. If we took it into our palm, it would burn. if we tasted it, it would be full-bodied, like salted meat. If we took it between our lips, it would fill our mouths. If we smelled it, it'd have the scent of a horse. If it were a flower, it would smell like a daisy, not a red rose."

My Name is Red - Orhan Pamuk

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Perfect Anomalies

Love is like fire. It goes through, lightening burdens... burning identities. Crossroads in our lives divulge so many options to us. Disclosing eternity seems an ultimate fantasy for every vanquisher. But has one ever thought, winners can have an other dimension to them as well? Vanquishers defeat but winners can win without ruining lives. Winners are absorbed in their own way of doing things. They have that delirium that 'masti' that doesn't let them go and lose themselves in that mob of mediocrity and ruthless defeaters. Winners defeaters, defeaters the conquerors.

I soundly believe that 'perfection' only exists when you're in love. I believe love is one expression, which can make one, even for a blink of second feel like attaining perfection. Yes! Logic won't understand it since it randomizes expressions and seeks anomalies. Logicians don't realize what that mere second can instill... and they don't know what follows it. Perfection resides in delirium. Lives with extreme passion.

Perfection is achieved when anomalies are ignored.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Life in a Metro - I

Almost 17 million people live in this city. Every single person occupied in emotions and thoughts beyond himself. Every single soul engulfed and entrapped in thousands of narratives; those twisting tales of sorrow and ecstasy, of truth and fantasy, of realm and plain mediocrity. 'Rest in Peace' written as a PS while rest of the page, the core script is meticulously coated with watermark saying 'Live in Pieces'. How would you react when the questions asked are not about yourself? Which one would you answer if you hear voices from every possible dimension, crying for help? How many faces could you identify? How many stories could you hear? How many questions you could answer? How many questions you could raise? How could you identify originality? How could you identify yourself?

Hmmmm.. Living in a metro can be an incredible experience. A close-in encounter with sharp contrasts. A continuous rally of occasions and incidences that shape your life in every sense. This fact; some of us realize it, some of us simply know it. I, like anyone of us, have had such remarkable experiences all through my life. Pieces that triggered decisive turns and made me think and feel in unseen, forgotten dimensions. You might have seen some yourself also.

Some time back, I was having chai at a local roadside dhaba with a friend and his cousin. Older and bigger than us, he happened to be at some rank in the army. We were on with our weird usual discussion when we heard noises coming from the other side of the road. Two fruit waalas, on an unknown issue were on the ground, in dust, beating hell out of each other.

Friend: "What is happening? Why such mob?"

Noor: "What? They are fighting, beating each other!"

Friend: "Oh, I think we should stop them..."

Friend's Cousin: "What? Leave it.."

Friend (Sarcastically): "Saaley you're a soldier! You got to do it "

Cousin: Chutiya hai? Let them fight. Aik dusrey ko peeth kar thandey hojayein gey.. Agar roka na tou ghar ja kar apni biwion par gussa nikalein gey.. harami!


Few may think of us as 'cowards' for doing nothing. May be. That should be one way to look at it. Certainly, in a city as big as ours, its just ONE WAY.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Merey yaar mere dost...
Meri Qayenaat madhosh
Sab kho gaye hain kahan
Merey log...
Image: Jnb87 - Devianart

Friday, June 26, 2009

Where is:


Saturday, June 20, 2009

Let's do it!

"We spent the rest of our holiday on another island. Our plan was to travel on to Puerto Rico - but when we got to the airport, the flight was cancelled. People were roaming about, looking lost. No one was doing anything. So I did - someone had to. I chartered a plane for $2,000. I divided that by the number of people. It came to $39 a head. I borrowed a blackboard and wrote on it:


The idea for Virgin Airways was born".

Richard Branson


O re piyaa
kehta jiya..
Tu hai kahan
Mein hoon yahan...

Jal mein kahin...

Why does one want to be strong? Being vulnerable can be beautiful. Love is just an illusion if it doesn't set you free. Life is just too boring without myths, art is just too dry without compassion. Emotions are nothing but mere connections.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Don't Let Yourself Crumble

You got a dream?

You gotta PROTECT it

Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Ultimate 'Dheedhs'

1: 45 AM, I was working on a project when got a call from Imran's mother.

"Beta Imran has gone through an accident. He is in the hospital, quite serious"

OH damn!... I immediately switched off the work I was doing and called other friends... "AKU Emergency, jaldi!". I didn't tell anyone at home where was I going and just rushed out. I was shaken but not stunned, apprehensive of accident's severity but I somewhat knew what must have happened... I know Imran well.. and his ways.

15 minutes and here I was standing with his elder brother outside the room where doctors were working on him. 

"I don't know man! Whats ***king wrong with him. Hazaar baar samjhaya ke mat chalao tez, mat karo bike racing.. par nahin!". YesI was right like everyone else. This all was expected since a long time. 

After 6 days of unconsciousness and critical care, he finally resumed talking. That day, we just got to talk 4, 5 minutes before his father came in with food and all.  But those 5 minutes... that conversation... defines the way we live our lives. A belief that makes us poles apart from the rest. And it makes us come back for more...

First minute of our conversation:

"Kiya yaar!!! What's all this shit man?"


"Hmmmm.. Yeh!" I pointed at his broken plastered leg.

"Yeh? Aisehi. Chal Chor, aur suna!"

"Tu bata. Dard horaha hai?"



"But you know... I'm satisfied"


"Cuz just before I went down, I did what I wanted to do since a long long time... I actually performed that stunt! Now can you believe that?"

"Really? You did it? But how?"

*Smiles* For next 2, 3 minutes... he overlooked his pain and I forgot to be sympathetic. 

People like Imran are not afraid of the punishments. They are not afraid of fresh starts. They can start from anywhere they want. Their minds dream, their hearts feel, their souls survive. Sometimes... they might feel embarrassed... cuz of the failures they meet in this rationally but artificially crafted world. They might have a guilty conscience... cuz of the pain they give to people who love... cuz of the society finds them inapt for their own understanding.. 

But then..

They do have a bad memory too. No guilt no pain can halt the chase they revere so much. Made with a built-in ability to kill their  past and get back to life, these are actually the stubborn children of God. They are the 'Indisputable Dheedhs ' of the modern times...

And I somewhere believe.. They are the only ones who actually LIVE!

Image: DeviantArt 

Tuesday, May 19, 2009



"Noor! I got highest in Process Engineering"

"Wow! That's great man. Well done!"

"Chor yaar re-sit tha!!!"

"Hain? Acha aur kitney bandey they?"

"Mein akela"

Jazzi laughs: "Haha! Abay yeh kiya chutiya-pana hai!!"


Nothings coming tonight. This is one un-animated and un-communicative version of pure expression. Oxymoron? May be. But then one gets to hear so much of them these days no? Stuff like legal murders and a smart ass! Mom suggests, "Wait, have patience". Now can you do both? You can either wait being edgy or can patiently say no to stuff coming ahead. Haina? But what to do with mom, she thinks other way. And she just can't be wrong. An incorrect mother would be a big BIG oxymoron! So you have to choose... your mother or your patience?

Hmmm... Such interesting name. Oxymoron? Being a hardcore chemistry student, it makes me think. Is it one oxidized form of a moron? And what if it reduces? De-oxy-moron or simply moron? What the hell? 

Hey... Chemistry and morons. Another oxymo? Those who have studied adv. chemistry would deny!

You think am crazy and I think you're.  Crazy me is equals to crazy you, cancellation on both sides and there's the answer. You and me! This signifies what? Simple. When we are together, there is intellectuality, rationalism, sense and peace. Anything but that mutual craziness.

Well... Do you believe that? I mean you me and logic? 

What the hell! Give me some oxygen, am going moronic!!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

60 Seconds

60 seconds between us. 6 meters ahead of me. Living in a same enclosure, this is what separates us. You, me and these 60 seconds, that's all. Now we are not like those people... they have so much time you know. They can actually go back to that debris and isolate every single decision they took. They can look for the shadows of people they lost, and try to retract images. In their lives, they can bring out their old muddy sculptures back from their subconscious store rooms and wait for the day when everything shall come alive. 

We can't do it, can we? They are after me but I don't care really. I'm just about these 60 seconds between us. You got to know this. Just like my past, I can relate with those people and those places. But I can't go back. Glory awaits me.  

Isn't this a beautiful thought? Whatever I do today, my love, my desires and all those aspirations... all that is about to come... 

I can't be there before you. You got to protect me. Take decisions and act. To make things work for me. 

And you have 60 seconds! 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Thought Provoking!

"What literature needs most to tell and investigate today are humanity's basic fears: the fear of being left outside, and the fear of counting for nothing, and the feelings of worthlessness that come with such fears; the collective humiliations, vulnerabilities, slights, grievances, sensitivities, and imagined insults, and the nationalist boasts and inflations that are their next of kin ... Whenever I am confronted by such sentiments, and by the irrational, overstated language in which they are usually expressed, I know they touch on a darkness inside me. We have often witnessed peoples, societies and nations outside the Western world–and I can identify with them easily–succumbing to fears that sometimes lead them to commit stupidities, all because of their fears of humiliation and their sensitivities. I also know that in the West–a world with which I can identify with the same ease–nations and peoples taking an excessive pride in their wealth, and in their having brought us the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, and Modernism, have, from time to time, succumbed to a self-satisfaction that is almost as stupid".

Orhan Pamuk
Turkish Author

Saturday, April 18, 2009


It feels good to write after such a hiatus. Yes I wasn't really writing here but that doesn't mean I wasn't at all. Academics you know! Research papers, reports, essays, articles and yes... here I am. Safe and sound, back to my normal indigestible world of social parodies and personal mimicries. I enjoy working 13 14 hours a day as one team leader interacting, organizing and playing under pressure but this space of mine, this very moment when am alone makes me the person I am. Good bad whatever. My love to experiment with Truth and entertain issues touching limits of sanity is my strength. My home ground. The point where everything is deliberately out of control meticulously tangled to avoid cliches and generalizations.

Have been reading some blogs. Marina, Komal, Maria... I really like their work and yes, must say they all have that beautiful feminine way to words. Some more names may be.     

Feeling stronger. Ready for a niche. Focused. Love??

Work? " Double Check". 

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Major "GENERAL" Nothing!

I'm not really someone who loves to simplify. Nor do I believe in generalizations. I think that generalities survive merely in science books and the real world is far too slippery for the generals and ideals to stand. But sometimes, coming across the same things and people every other day, the desire to explore everything distinctively blurs away. Even though its for a very short time, I do get expecting and identifying the same attributes in everyone. And I think its happens with everyone of us. Facing the same thing 10 times, you are bound to foresee it coming again. You might wish for something different but you will expect the same! 

I'm happy that these simplifications and generalizations don't lasts long. At least in my life. No matter how monotonous that whining and giggling might get, I feel I still have that much desire, that much energy to listen to them and isolate at least one note that really makes the difference. A note that defines individualism.

Tuesday, 08 May, 2008
1:53 AM

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Madonna - Heartbeat

Once I am moving, I'm alright

I can keep on going through the night...

Monday, March 16, 2009

Mean in Less

Old friends, wacky pathani jokes, good food... Synonyms. Oh we all were laughing so much that night. Amazing stories we all had, about lives, its weird situations and of course, about our better halves. 

And there she said, pointing her finger somewhere :

"Look! I want to go that far"

"Where? Moon? "

"Kion bai Kamila? Imran se bhaag rahi ho? "

She doesn't hear that. Smiles and goes on with her meal.



"Meinney poocha Imran se bhaag rahi ho?"


"Tou phir chand par ussey saath le jaogi?"

"Chand? What chand? Kon jaa raha hai chand par?"

"Arey tum..."


"Uffff!! Kamila.. Rehney do!"

Hmmmm... nature can stir you in so many ways. Inspire you stimulate you , bring out the treasured from within. That scenic beauty of a full moon delighted and then connected her with nothing but herself. Symbolic, an omen that she is surrounded by nothing but herself. Its not moon, now its her destiny. She can see it, she knows its right there...   

Listen to those echoes of nobody, its only natural. Dance as those raindrops sanctify everything... See those birds as they fly... higher and higher,  just like you dreams. Follow them. Bring them back. Love them and pamper. And then... let them fly again. 

Close your eyes. Is it still all black?

I'm not sure. 

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Being Beautiful - Revisited

I kept on staring at this picture for very long. Trying to comprehend which emotion or emotions does this picture exactly portray? Desire or Anger? Seclusion or Seduction?... Self defense or Self detestation? What is she exactly yearning for? Love? Lust? Sex? Salvation? Escape?

No. Words can not simplify her.

She is indeed extremely beautiful. And this picture is certainly one of the finest I've seen in some time. The multitude of emotion, the UN-identified sensation do exemplify my concept of beauty to an extent. Beauty [to me] is dimension less. It doesn't mean it has nothing to say, but it says so much, it has so many distinctive yet complementing dimensions that it produces a sensation that talks with the purity. That motion less purity mesmerizes and takes you the the point from where every emotion stretches it's delicate arms and embraces the seeker. Amazing it is. We so easily keep on missing that point all our lives.

Beauty is not about color. It's not about how you look. It's doesn't care about how "in-shape" you are or how well dressed. But beauty in it's truest lies in the bluntness of emotions. In the roughness of expression. It exists in the sensations. Not just in face, but it resides in every movement of your existence. Every part of your body, every thought of your mind, every feel of your heart produces a vibe. Something that is worth feeling. Something that is beautiful. Something that is magical.

Monday, January 21, 2008
1:13 AM

Dedicated to feminine beauty. 

Monday, February 23, 2009

Breathe In, Breathe Out

No, Nothing less. Want it 24*7. I need it this way. Yes most of the time its about engulfing the brutal facts BUT not always. There are moments, those precious little gem like... when you get to remove those blinders. And slash off those sadistic black visors that prevent you from reaching inside. They make you run through a fixed predetermined axis.. day after day.. year after year. Triumphs, failures, excitements, enticements, pain, fear, love, regret... Hey!! You're actually doing quite good on that encoded blueprint.. that fixed axis. 


But what if one day, you realize that you never looked beyond. And never opened out? In fact, you reached for the outcasts, the outsiders and directed them in. Does one realize that its important to understand this synchronization? That its important to reach inside and open outside? That inner should come out and outer shouldn't go in. Everything around that axis is an illustrative inner image marked by some precised moments. Its now and then its gone. Infinity lies within. Humans are the nothing but illustrative images of the infinity that resides within themselves. Humanity indeed, is infinite. Relationships are nothing but descriptive images of the infinity called Love. War is nothing but the exploratory reflections of the infinity called Hate.

Love should come out, relationships shouldn't go in. Can hurt. 

There is one thing I don't understand, though. Windows.. Do they open in? or out?


Image: Sortvind - Deviantart

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Rehna Tu.. Hai Jaisa Tu

Tujhe badalna na chahoon
Rati bhar bhi sanam
Bina sajawat, milawat
Na zyaada na hi kaam

Tuhje chaahon jaisa hai tu...

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Learn those basic facts. Relax, as the outcomes are decided. Don't look back and don't' look back. Love isn't coming back, dreams are the goners. Its scary.. to see those clouds gather.. white, gray, black.. Boom!!!! And its raining. Coldplay is going live but you can't hear them. You try to smile but no one is looking at you. And then you cry... Oh you're so melting.. your emotions dripping.  

"Why did you prefer medicine over philosophy, Shabnam?" 

"May be the mysteries of the human body are less confusing!"


Break free and let it go. Your extremities wont let you live, you want to live no? I know you love me but my destiny lies somewhere else. You know, my life isn't my story... The complications that I suffer are not mine. The corridors of my emotions, the windows of my expressions...  and all those vacant moments... its all like a puzzle where 'everything' and 'nothing'  questions are not asked. I can hear those strange whispers. Can you? 


You say you identify me? Do you even get a word? 

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Dasht -e- Tanhai Mei

Amid this delirium, I find peace. A truth that this serene uncertainity is the only certain expression of life. Urgency of reclamation is not a concern, continuity of thoughts is a hopeless gesture. 

Not me, not love. When its about you... Its about nothing else. 

Is Qadr Pyaar Se Ae Jaan-e-Jahan Rakha hai
Dil Ke Rukhsaar Pe Is Waqt Teri Yaad Ney Haath
Yun Guma Hota Hia Garchey Hai Abhi Subh He Firaaq
Dhal Gaya Hijr Ka Din Aa Bhi Gayi 
   ...Wasl Ki Raat

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Yes We Can

"Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task."

Wednesday, January 21,2009
Barrack H Obama becomes 44th US President

Sunday, January 18, 2009

May Allah be with you

Friday, January 16, 2009

Was Hitler a Muslim?

For the last few days, I've been receiving hundreds of messages condemning, swearing, cursing Israel and the Jews. Messages that were supposed to be sent in support of Palestinians and the world peace. One of these messages cited from Hitler's book. "I destroyed Jews but left few so that the world knows why I was killing them". One freak acquaintance even kept it as his personal message on FB with his freakier friends commenting 'Hail Hitler' 'Kill all Jews' 'Down with Israel, AllahuAkbar'. What precious thoughts. A benchmark example of how ridiculous we are as a nation with absolutely no idea of what we are talking about. I hate to be so harsh when I truly believe that Israeli attack on Gaza is an extremely inhumane and barbaric act. But what about us? Who the hell we think we are? What the f**k we actually want?

Let me put it this way, if we hate the Jews so much, why shouldn't the Jews hate us with same intensity? If we want to annihilate them, why shouldn't they wish the same?

We so talk about peace but don't understand its fundamentals. Peace is just an outlook. A view that testifies that all processes are running smooth. These may be contrasting but they are co-existing. Just like your car. You can't talk about peace with 5% of your elites using 70% of the total wealth. Last week I visited seven different cities of Sindh and the conditions there are shattering. Infra-human, literally. I would've looked like a joker if I had talked about peace, patriotism and equality with those hungry insect like humans crawling out there. Their hunger was disturbing.

Peace evolves from equality and not from master slave mindsets. Equality doesn't exist anywhere and we are The epitome of that master-slave mindset. Think about it and you'll realize that in the disguise of peace, we all are actually mourning over our present status. Hate it but you can't run away from it. Yes, we are weaker, the losers. Yes, in the current world scenario, we have forced ourselves in a position where half of the Muslim world is crumbling economically and the other half doesn't have any idea what to do with all its resources. We are handicapped. We are dependent. We love to be at western universities, read their books, watch their shows, eat their hamburger, wear their brands, fantasize their bodies, and Oh! Alhamdulillah, I'm a Muslim.


When I see rallies and protests and demonstrations in favor of those innocents getting butchered in Gaza, I feel that we actually have nothing to do with it, at all. We are not supporting them. We are actually disclosing our helpless-ness, our frustration. We all believe somewhere in our hearts that since we are THE Muslims, we have a right to rule. We want to be The masters, we fucking don't want peace. We want the chabuk in our hands. We so hate the Jews we want to torture them out of this world, just in the likings of Hitler's concentration camps.

I believe, talking about peace is just a bull-shit way to comfort ourselves. To run away from reality that we can't do anything. Peace is nothing but a forged ideology with life from cosy dining rooms to stinking toilets.

Those who are suffering and those fighting, I haven't heard them talk about peace. Its simple: When you can't confront, you follow.