The Conventional Story of Newness

We know 'Human Resource' but we don't know how use it, where to use it. We should try... to celebrate true human potential. As true men were never hired, never 'trained' to achieve something extraordinarily great. Space should be given; let people do best work of their lives. True excellence unquestionably lies in the ability to entertain conflicting, often improbable combinations of thoughts, words and feelings. Conventional wisdom shall always be challenged, as it is nothing but an appalling attempt to dent evolutionary growth of truest and most authentic human potential. Paradoxes shall always be treated with respect. They should always be cultivated in an organization, a family or between two people. Its important to ask questions, and to find answers to them. But not more than rejoicing your true identity. Your ability to connect to your own self while dealing, playing, fooling around some of the most bizarre combinations of people, places and knowledge.

I try not to be arrogant or proud. But I take pride in what I do. I am nothing but a combination of every single thing that doesn't involve me. Connected but aloof. Mysterious but in an idiotic manner.

Here. Alive. Thank God.

And peace be with those departed...

Love for Life

There is always an attitude, a quiet confidence when you really love something/someone. Being consistent is all about being confident; Being confident is essentially an output of love. Not necessarily about 'floating in the air' but something more earthy. A self sustaining belief, a gracious look in those eyes; Just to make you feel warm... Just to let you know that no matter, I will never give up. I will never crumble, never quit .. never say that I don't want it anymore.

Its learning for a lifetime you know. Love beyond the scope of 'attainment' has always challenged history, and often, changed it as well. The tremendous capacity of Muhammad (P.B.U.H) to love, the undying and non-negotiable intensity of Hussain (A.S)... Why do they mourn? Don't they already know that an Imam's Noor is beyond his body..

I find an amazing attitude in what Hussain (A.S) and 72 of his devoted fellowmen did. Something that so convincingly explains the quiet confidence I was talking about earlier.

This is what we miss so much in our lives. Our religion, our societal norms, our relationships, our expressions, our education and health care systems, our perspective of life, individual and collective... is so deprived of love. Do I need to ask why there's so much turbulence, confusion and ridiculous inconsistency around us these days?

Questions are good, but questions do leave marks. Marks when answered and scars... unanswered..

Someone said someday

"There is something very different about him. Something... (silence) ... very genuine."

Connecting Dots - II

There are nights when I walk alone. Walk on the streets I call home. Streets of blood, pain and relentless agony. Streets completely clattered, crowded and heart broken. But then I can't deny, have to agree that peace originates off these same pathways. These are ragged but not cold. Agony but all mine. Rubbish but not more than me, foolish but not greater than my heart. An eccentric quietness that surrounds this place... complete silence. An absolute numbness. And then I start assuming that I am sweeping the same streets which I should have owned. Feeling completely wasted. Feeling under-loved. Oh God. Time and time again love makes me uncomfortable. I have so much love for you, can't you even see?

I just need you tonight. To love. To live. To die.

Meri Basr..

How often do you look back and count variations? How well can you justify your own metamorphosis? Of your existence... Are there any justifications available? Is there a single pattern, a single trend defining our lives?... Yeah? Sometimes I think about my childhood. Years gone by. How I was then. Little shy, reserved, very opinionated. Very much into my own world. Not so talkative, kind of quiet. Have I changed now? I am not so sure, but the growth patterns have been interesting. Patterns not pattern since they are too many. Tangled within themselves. Today I work as management consultant with top organizations.. but is it even relevant? What about that shy kid? Died? No, I don't think so. Living? Yeah, may be.. somewhere. Is he still in his own world? Kind of. He wants to but have to stay something in between.. What the hell, are you sure of even one thing? YES! I will never give up. No matter what. Why not? Because I know.. the dots DID connect backwards. I don't know about you but I do find 'reason' in the metamorphosis I have gone through over years. Like a veteran chess player sitting up there somewhere (or may be within me) making almost all right moves... and the moves which seem wrong or not-so-right for now, I believe they will show up their reason sometime in the future. I believe, everything will connect. No regrets, no fears, no insecurities. The absolute faith that while I surge forward, I won't be doing anything wrong.. the faith that whenever in life I will look back, I will always find things in their right places. Artistically connected or to-be connected. When? You know the answer will always be same... somewhere in the future.

May be I am not doing justice to this beautiful thought I have/had to share tonight. Nevertheless, I am just happy that I wrote something after a month or more.

Temme how?

How do you

DISTINGUISH

yourself?

---------------------------------------------------

Magic

I don't love her the way you think I do. No sir but you got it wrong. Yes I love but Aasma is more like my imaginary sibling. A girl living life slightly above the normal level. Yes I haven't told anyone about her but what can I do? She is not like us you know. She has more to herself than those cruel logical barriers and fragile emotional wedges, which make us all suffer so much. Daily. Every hour, every minute, every second. She doesn't know how to decorate and revamp herself into someone more relevant to societal norms. Worst possible fashion sense by far yet the most compelling epitome of feminism you would ever come across. Shining like a pearl, the unmatched capacity of her love, the unmistakable intensity of her dreams and the nonnegotiable strength of her character distinguishes her from everyone else around her. I am so proud of her you know. So proud.

____________________________________________________

Its difficult for me to understand the idea of "Shaana ba shaana", men and women being equal. Men can never be so beautiful you know. Its more like finding similarities between a factory product and a handmade art piece. They can never be judged on a same scale, they can never be defined in broad category even when dealing with oversimplifications of civil rights. The structure, function, significance.. it can never be equal or identical you know. It should never be.

The delicacy of a feminine soul is mesmerizing. A magical touch in her body. Its never too rough, Its never too bold, overexposed, disgraced. Never too loud but calm like an ocean. Strong like an ocean. Deep like an ocean. A whole world within. Colors, creatures, images, lives. Few wrecked ships.. emotions, few untold unheard stories.. all deep down within.. and yet so quiet.

This is how I feel.

Friends often ask when would I get married. I don't have an answer to that. But one thing is for sure, it'd very interesting.. very real.

image: Eyes by Soumiita

Pearls

“When I am with you, we stay up all night.

When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.

Praise God for those two insomnias!

And the difference between them.”

Yaarey!

I am never too eager to go home. Don't know, have been just like this. Friends at university used to call me 'Ghar se nikala howa', and I agree they had their justified reasons for it. For 4 years, I have spent hours in cafes, pathani dhabas and on road. Just moving yahan se wahan. Random. It has its own charm you know. When you have friends, it feel like an ultimate ecstasy. Just plain raw energy making you believe that yes, everything is achievable. Its never too dark when you have friends.. Its never too hopeless.

Whatever I learned from those seemingly insignificant chats with my best buddies over chai has stayed within me. Those amusing pranks, entertaining stories and innumerable fun filled moments have really made the difference. Sounds different but I absolutely believe that your friends in longer terms, define your character. Your true identity.

Being Genuine

Its not about what you think. I'm beyond that.

Change & Youth Conferences

Today, over lunch at some famous restaurant, we were discussing.. well you know, how mismanagement is confining our growth as an organization and as collective nation. Nothing new really. Usual sort of a discussion that yields some shabby and predictably boring conclusions. But all in the process somewhere, and I don't know from where one colleague said something really interesting. Something extremely fundamental in its core yet amazingly forgotten. Something which can be understood and applied in context of politics, governance, management, conflicts, technology, economics and every other significant dimension of human evolution. Something which can redefine our future.

"Yes we have problems and some serious questions to answer... but what we gotta realize is, we are actually part of that very same problem..."

People who are into organizing youth conferences, conventions, seminars and blah blah should take some notes. Its not exactly the way you try things out. Well, to change them. Don't get me wrong here. I'm certainly not against the idea of youth mobilization for a cause but I don't subscribe to this whole notion of talking about food and water shortages in parts of Sindh while relaxing my butt on a cushioned chair of some air conditioned five star hotel. Rich kids like us playing 'Lets change the world' game? In 2007, I was part of one glorified youth residential conference where each one of the 300 participants paid around 35000Rs. for 5 days. That's like 10500000 Rs in total. A lot of money made by the organizers from engaging some insignificant and brazen minnows to flip charts, role plays and incoherent babbling.

Change. What is change?

Nelson Mandela had the answer. His version was never too loud. Steve Jobs had the right idea. In out, being consistent year after year... Apple has now penetrated into world markets. Getting so inherently connected to our lives. Adding value, through change. Lance Armstrong's fight against cancer is another shining example. His journey wasn't sexy always. But didn't he just redefine the perceived level of human courage? Even religion has it. How Muhammad (S.A.W) transformed the ill bred and absolutely beast like Arab creatures into world leaders who went on conquering almost one third of the entire world is something of highest worth and significance. Science, Art, Literature. Muslim led every field, through change.


We got to realize two things. One, you got to be In the system to Change the system. You got to understand the governing dynamics. Make sure you realize that you've contributions someway in every problem you can think of. Make yourself think this way. As a part. Don't go to change straight away. Don't even talk about it. First, find your own faults, your crime, your role. It is bound to re-define your thinking pattern.

Two, change is never incoherent. Its focused. Consistent and dimensionally focused to produce some objectivity.

image: Alkaline- Deviantart

Connecting Dots - I

"You know its true... Everything I do.. I do it for you."


One beautiful song by Bryan Adams. Brings back so many memories... makes me want to get personal tonight, after well around 3 years I think. At that time somewhere around the later half of 2007, I promised myself that I would not let my emotions flow through my words. I decided I would not talk about my breakdowns, about things/people I love and what I feel about them. Resting deep down inside those inexplicable corners of my existence. All that I have written since that day, have just been mere reflections. Point of view, you may say. About things/people, where how what I think about them. I completely own my thoughts, my words but there are things I yearn for. People who I love, people who I need, people I want to be with. And badly. All these years, it has just been about them, not me. Someone needing love, unconditionally.

Today, it is just going to be about me.

There was a time, when I had gone very unstable. Emotionally I mean. What do you expect man.. I was 19, madly in love with her. And what happened... 3 30AM one night she texted me, "Noor.. I think I'm falling for someone else.. you need to get over with us". Hmmmm.. You know I agree things weren't all smooth between us but.. I didn't expect things to be.. well this interesting. Ha! Things were interesting. I met her next day at KFC nearby. She looked like someone in love but crap, it wasn't for me. I knew it, had to accept it. And yeah, had to attend my first cousin's wedding reception that evening as well. I came home, cried in shower, dressed up, went to the reception, met relatives, smiled, talked... being normal about it... being personal about it.

It was that day. The last time I cried for her. Or anyone else. I realized its such a difficult thing to do, crying that is. You know that day really made me who I am today... some would say strong, some would say aloof and some cold may be. I don't know but yes... today I'm more prepared to deal with such interesting situations. I'm no longer 19, no longer a first timer. I'm glad I didn't let myself completely crumble. I feel blessed that I had friends to help me get out of it. Many a times I picked up a knife to cut myself but I never did. Many a times, we had fights and arguments just on the night before my exam but I never failed even one. I'm blessed you know, I got out of it without much damage. Well.. yeah may be.

But you know, this suffering, broken relationships, fights, arguments... nothing has stayed long enough to weaken the intensity of my desire to love. I want to love. I want to be loved.

You need to know... there is someone real behind that shining armor... and he needs a hug!

Intellect

Your mettle is tested every now and then. Just when you start thinking that you might have all the answers, life so artistically changes the questions. Questions irrelevant to answers; questions incompetent of any definite conclusions. Life's a mess, a problematic affair if you take it that way. Boring, customary and strictly sensible. But on the other way, it is a myth. Just like a hidden treasure. It gets interesting and significantly magical the moment one understands the prank behind it.

In our lives, being sensible and logical can be boring because we so consistently relate it to the net outcome. The conclusive part; the final result. I believe logic should be understood like something inherent, something beautifully cultivated across the procedure, the course of action. Being logical or intellectual should not be considered as being mechanical. Anyway, anywhere. Being logical should be as good looking as being humane. It should be as warm as a motherly hug and as emotional as the first love. Like some close friends enjoying a game of chess. Like a child sitting along with his papa trying to fit jigsaw pieces together. Like two lovers discussing Rumi. Long walks. Beach.

Its disappointing to feel it. Feel that we are fast losing that breathing intellect that we all have. We are not exercising it. Stretching it. Friends meet at Sheesha and discuss their babes, lovers meet and they think they talk about love. 16 17 18 years of age, talking hours on the phone? 'Dou ruppey mein aik ganta baat'? You attend a lecture and the professor, who happens to be an eminent scientist fails to understand the simple philosophy that binds all the scientific theories and evolutions together. He fails to understand and then, fails to deliver. Quite obviously. And the chain goes on... Being mechanically focused on the net outcome. An unsatisfying journey to the center of nowhere land.

I believe we need to learn, and quickly. We don't have to be anyone else to be logical. Just being human again would be critical for the years to come.

Constant Change - Revisited

Since ever, reading has been one of my most beloved hobbies. Something that comes naturally to me. Though the inconsistency of my taste and my wavering nature is well exhibited from the way I select a book to read, one particular genre was successful [till sometime back] in arresting a meaty portion of my time. "Self Help and Inspirationals". Yes! I have quite a few of them at my home. Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale, Og Mandino, Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, Anthony Robbins, Robin Sharma, Napoleon Hill, Stephen Covey etc etc.. And the list never ends. My brother has this odd habit of collecting self help books and I, the very reader, continued to read them. And read again. Some tried to teach me how to find love, some tried to signify shortcuts to fame and fortune and some tried to make me a better human. I don't know how much they all succeeded but one thing is for sure, reading all these self help books over the years, I have finally decided one thing. That I 'm NOT going to read them anymore. Atleast for sometime. I think I don't need so much of help.

But I guess this happens with every one of us. Sometimes we just start feeling over filled. We might not know but we yearn to feel a bit empty. Sometimes we suddenly get to know that we know so much. Sometimes, our haggard minds desire for something new. Little bit immaturity. Little bit of childishness. Sometimes getting 100/100 isn't satisfying, as it doesn't offer any challenges or targets to achieve then.

I've observed something salient about us beings. That we, unlike every other creation in the universe, get tired of things. We actually dwell nowhere and are in constant state of search. Search for the subsequent. That search might not necessarily be for prosperity or betterment. It might be destructive and disparaging. We are self ignorant to the fact that changes can swing both ways. From better to worse. From worse to better. But who cares. What a 'typical' human soul wants is a Change. [And the word typical excludes saints and Sufis].

I think this is why anything in abundance just doesn't work for us. Infact, it starts to work against us. Start walking on The Right Path. Be true and speak the truth. One day, Even if you don't ask for a change, you might get weary about The truth, The Angels and The Heavens... Lie, lie, lie... and one day, there is a bright chance that you might start seeking "The Righteous Path". I wouldn't call it a God's blessing on that lier but to me, it is the same need. The Search for the subsequent. The quest that keeps us mortals tangling around two extremes. We leave "Black" in search for something brighter... but even "White" doesn't satisfy us. May be this is why; most of us spend huge portions of our lives traveling and roving in those "Gray" areas.

I believe science can re-create everything. It can make everything seem understandable and logical. But this strange expedition of us mortals is and should always stay as a delicate knot. Who knows, undoing it might change everything...

Noor.
Wednesday, March 19,2008
1:34 AM

You're allowed - Revisited

He was all dressed up and I, in casuals. He was smoking and I, I was just watching those puffs rolling and thawing between us.

"You know this place is so quiet"

"Quiet? What?... man this place is damn earsplitting! Yeh chutiyeh apni bak bak band hi nahin kartey"

"Freedom of Expression bari behanchod cheez hai bhai"

"Hahaha! Haan par Expression of Freedom ka kiya?"

"Expression of Freedom?? Hain?"



"Abay saala light chaley gayi"

__________________________________________

If I ask a question, its not necessary that you come up with a relevant answer. Expression of Freedom should allow you to say anything. If my girlfriend decides to sleep with someone outside my knowledge, freedom allows her to do so. Can I stop her? Can I blame? If a group of vandals decide to beat the hell out of me, what can I do? I can't stop them! Expression of Freedom should allow them to beat me. If a sparrow shits on me, all I can do is swab it off. If a dog bites me, I can just take off my shirt to get those 14 something injections. If a baby decides to pee on me, I can't clutch his smallish dick and stop him from doing so. Its his freedom and you know its 'innocently wet and warm'. If people laugh at me, they should be allowed to laugh, if they cry, no one should try to console them. If someone wants to, he can dance at my funeral and should be fully allowed to do so.


Freedom is such a dangerous expression. Its inherent but rare. One has to surpass junctions like Act, React, Accept and Neglect to reach it. And one has complete freedom to decide where does he fall.

Friday, September 26th,2008

1:25 AM

Life in a Metro [2]: Cynically yours

I think I was somewhere around 13 14 at that time. I was walking across a road, getting back home. Was alone and just like any other kid of that age, strictly directed by family not to talk to strangers or even go near them.

Just as I was passing across a sheermaal house, I heard a voice from behind:

"Dost baat suno.."

I turned around to find a young, tall pathan guy wearing white shalwar kameez standing there looking at me.

"Dost roti ke liye kuch madad kardo... ghar par chotey behan bhai bhookey hain.."

I said nothing. Gave nothing. But just before walking away hastily, I did manage to see in his eyes. For some fractional part of a second. And those eyes have followed me since then.

Needed no proofs. I know he wasn't lying. His eyes had that truth. That hunger. That helplessness. I was a kid then who got terrified by such sudden encounter, but sometimes I still regret... I could have helped him in some way. Yes he was a young man, seeming fit to do any kind of physical work but. I don't know. I just could have helped him. Even if he was lying...

________________________

Sometimes I compute... I literally spend thousands every month eating out with friends.

And then I talk about food shortage in Africa. Infra human conditions in other parts of the world. Makes me feel like a hypocrite.

Just a few days back, a friend proclaimed on her Facebook status that Pakistan's on verge of a revolution. And that would be brought by the 'youth' of this country. Hmmmm.. I think I don't agree. In fact I think this is one of the most ridiculous, shit of a claim I have heard in a long time. Its sickening. Disgusting thing to read. Me, you and everyone else around us who claims to be that 'youth' of this nation should feel embarrass on the insignificant shit we have acquired after years of strenuous hard work. We have meticulously cultivated germs of mediocrity.

While watching local channels, when a young desi Blondie wearing a tight fitted T-shirt wave a Salaam at you, you don't know what exactly to do. Left confused. Whether to reply her salaam in proper Islamic sense or just continue staring her breasts poking out of her branded T-shirt. I have no objections with her wear, but that salaam is utterly disturbing.

Too cynical? Few of my 'she' friends would read this. They won't like it I suppose. But what to do? Big cities like Karachi do have some idiots like me as well.

You don't worry. Just take care!


Link to Life in a Metro [1]

Image: Lostsoulx44

When I play, I don't care!

image: Babyface

Me Again!

This is nothing but hazy confusion. In times of utter mess, when the entropic calculations are at their highest, and when the triumphs are so delicately yet ruthlessly tangled with defeats, one is justified to ask a lot questions.

Just few minutes back, I was sitting with my nephew Armaan, watching cartoons in his room..

Armaan (With his finger pointing): Chachu, please go and switch off those washroom lights.

Me (With my eyes fixed on TV): Yeah...

Armaan: Do it now na! Or mother earth will die!!

.....

This came as one shocker. Took few minutes to comprehend that just yesterday was World Earth Day and he must have learned all this at his school. Made me smile. Isn't this one of those miracles which we wait to happen all our lives? Or like a moment, when we start connecting backwards. Aren't we taking ourselves just too seriously? Like grown up adults who also happen to be deteriorated human beings? Like God whispering in Armaan's ear, "Son, this little thing (Me) is acting weird since few days now.. make him learn something new today.." And I know, Armaan is closer to God than me.

I don't care if I sound insane and absolutely incomprehensible tonight. Doing all this after a long long time. Just too tired of playing sensible and logical, which am not. And you know it. Just few more minutes and I'll be that dominating Noor again.

And btw, I LOVED My Name is Khan. I think its an outstanding movie. One of the best I have ever seen.


Take Care.

Connect Within

Jaam e Fanaa Bekhudi.. Ab tou peeya,

Jo ho so ho...

Image: *burcindrummer

Its you!

Oh take me back to the stars...

Image: Khomenko - Deviantart

Magnitude

Just when you thought you are big enough...

Image: Talking drum

Love it!

... Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life...

Pink Floyd - Coming Back to Life

Decisions and the 'OR' thing

Every opportunity has its own price tag; a cost that you got to bear. The tyranny of 'OR' as they say, exists everywhere. A continuous and relentless decision making, that eventually leads to nothing but a thing gained, and a world lost. But I think, this whole notion of opportunity and its cost, is severely flawed. And if ratified like any other management concepts, it can have some defining implications on our lives.

Living life of a fresh graduate is interesting. Stunned identities, hitch-hiking across multiple corridors of life. Many choices to be made. Many decisions to be taken. A chaos that surrounds me for now numbs up my mind sometimes. Like an explosion followed by some deafening silence. But living in this state for past few weeks has undoubtedly enriched my life [in totality]. Clarifying a lot things. Yes, I'm in chaos but am not confused. Yes, I got to make my choices and take my decisions, but I am not really bearing any costs. May be am just putting everything I have to wrap hands around my life and let nothing go.

Used to think that work-life is tough, busy. Amazingly spending more time with friends these days. And quality of time spent is linear to the quantity of moments cherished. Used to think pragmatism might overwhelm ideals. Thankfully, my first venture kicks off this month. And yet am an employee of some giant org. Satisfies both. My needs and wants. An idea which I think have struck me at the very right time.

I'm not yet ready to pay any costs. Would just go on availing whatever I have, and maximizing whatever I get. I would never glorify imperfections. Let see what life brings on.

Its gonna be interesting!

Ishqq Aatishh

LOVE


I want to.


I want to be.

This Very Spirit!

"Makers are Men, Creators are Leaders... be careful what kinda leaders you're producing here..."

Can you identify with this line? Its from the classic 'The Scent of a Woman'. Al Pacino. In fact all that he speaks for in that ultimate portion, for around two and a half minutes can well be set as a benchmark to define partially misunderstood and partially neglected concept of leadership. A notion that is so decisive, a notion that is so humane.

Integrity, courage, compassion. Shouldn't this define a true leader? A character that stands dignified under pressure? Or someone crumbling with the burden of self? Someone taking trivial and insignificant pieces of his ragged life too seriously? Someone has to think beyond loss gain and everything between the two. Someone has to go beyond black white and gray. And millions and billions and zeroes. Someone.

When things get tougher, when the light's on you... just don't run away. Let this very spirit, take decisions.