Someone said someday

"There is something very different about him. Something... (silence) ... very genuine."

Connecting Dots - II

There are nights when I walk alone. Walk on the streets I call home. Streets of blood, pain and relentless agony. Streets completely clattered, crowded and heart broken. But then I can't deny, have to agree that peace originates off these same pathways. These are ragged but not cold. Agony but all mine. Rubbish but not more than me, foolish but not greater than my heart. An eccentric quietness that surrounds this place... complete silence. An absolute numbness. And then I start assuming that I am sweeping the same streets which I should have owned. Feeling completely wasted. Feeling under-loved. Oh God. Time and time again love makes me uncomfortable. I have so much love for you, can't you even see?

I just need you tonight. To love. To live. To die.

Meri Basr..

How often do you look back and count variations? How well can you justify your own metamorphosis? Of your existence... Are there any justifications available? Is there a single pattern, a single trend defining our lives?... Yeah? Sometimes I think about my childhood. Years gone by. How I was then. Little shy, reserved, very opinionated. Very much into my own world. Not so talkative, kind of quiet. Have I changed now? I am not so sure, but the growth patterns have been interesting. Patterns not pattern since they are too many. Tangled within themselves. Today I work as management consultant with top organizations.. but is it even relevant? What about that shy kid? Died? No, I don't think so. Living? Yeah, may be.. somewhere. Is he still in his own world? Kind of. He wants to but have to stay something in between.. What the hell, are you sure of even one thing? YES! I will never give up. No matter what. Why not? Because I know.. the dots DID connect backwards. I don't know about you but I do find 'reason' in the metamorphosis I have gone through over years. Like a veteran chess player sitting up there somewhere (or may be within me) making almost all right moves... and the moves which seem wrong or not-so-right for now, I believe they will show up their reason sometime in the future. I believe, everything will connect. No regrets, no fears, no insecurities. The absolute faith that while I surge forward, I won't be doing anything wrong.. the faith that whenever in life I will look back, I will always find things in their right places. Artistically connected or to-be connected. When? You know the answer will always be same... somewhere in the future.

May be I am not doing justice to this beautiful thought I have/had to share tonight. Nevertheless, I am just happy that I wrote something after a month or more.

Temme how?

How do you

DISTINGUISH

yourself?

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Magic

I don't love her the way you think I do. No sir but you got it wrong. Yes I love but Aasma is more like my imaginary sibling. A girl living life slightly above the normal level. Yes I haven't told anyone about her but what can I do? She is not like us you know. She has more to herself than those cruel logical barriers and fragile emotional wedges, which make us all suffer so much. Daily. Every hour, every minute, every second. She doesn't know how to decorate and revamp herself into someone more relevant to societal norms. Worst possible fashion sense by far yet the most compelling epitome of feminism you would ever come across. Shining like a pearl, the unmatched capacity of her love, the unmistakable intensity of her dreams and the nonnegotiable strength of her character distinguishes her from everyone else around her. I am so proud of her you know. So proud.

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Its difficult for me to understand the idea of "Shaana ba shaana", men and women being equal. Men can never be so beautiful you know. Its more like finding similarities between a factory product and a handmade art piece. They can never be judged on a same scale, they can never be defined in broad category even when dealing with oversimplifications of civil rights. The structure, function, significance.. it can never be equal or identical you know. It should never be.

The delicacy of a feminine soul is mesmerizing. A magical touch in her body. Its never too rough, Its never too bold, overexposed, disgraced. Never too loud but calm like an ocean. Strong like an ocean. Deep like an ocean. A whole world within. Colors, creatures, images, lives. Few wrecked ships.. emotions, few untold unheard stories.. all deep down within.. and yet so quiet.

This is how I feel.

Friends often ask when would I get married. I don't have an answer to that. But one thing is for sure, it'd very interesting.. very real.

image: Eyes by Soumiita

Pearls

“When I am with you, we stay up all night.

When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.

Praise God for those two insomnias!

And the difference between them.”

Yaarey!

I am never too eager to go home. Don't know, have been just like this. Friends at university used to call me 'Ghar se nikala howa', and I agree they had their justified reasons for it. For 4 years, I have spent hours in cafes, pathani dhabas and on road. Just moving yahan se wahan. Random. It has its own charm you know. When you have friends, it feel like an ultimate ecstasy. Just plain raw energy making you believe that yes, everything is achievable. Its never too dark when you have friends.. Its never too hopeless.

Whatever I learned from those seemingly insignificant chats with my best buddies over chai has stayed within me. Those amusing pranks, entertaining stories and innumerable fun filled moments have really made the difference. Sounds different but I absolutely believe that your friends in longer terms, define your character. Your true identity.